Scarlet

” Dhruv,i reckon the paper is particularly tough on your patience,isn’t it ? Would you like a breather ? The morning outside seems fine enough.Please do not bother about gracing us with your return.Also,be so kind enough as to arrange another amanuensis for Gaurav before you go.He would appreciate the act,won’t you,Gaurav ? ” Pranav announced casually,leafing through a majorly painful practical record book of one of the students.

He didn’t care to look at Dhruv or Gaurav,but knew that they both had turned to their own answer-sheets with frowns which were supposed to emanate coolness or anger,but only made them look stupid and embarrassed.After a minute or two of almost cheerful silence and calm,he called the students for their viva voce.The lab smelled of of formalin,fury and fear.Mostly fear.And that,of all,made Pranav glad.Final semester exams were the only days during which he felt valued,alive and acknowledged by these wretched,halfwit thickheads.Every other day of the academic year was a battle,against the diligent perseverance on the students’ part about questioning his authority and skills and his mounting efforts at trying to be accepted by them and not making a fool of himself.Except for all their shenanigans and airy demeanour,what were these pathetic replicas of each other high on ? He realized that approving his transfer to Delhi in return for the post of HOD he got was a mistake.Now more than ever.His department was an even sorrier mess.There was Mrs. Chawla,who could barely distinguish between her amino acids and sugars but came across as an established pro when it came to setting people up or instructing one and all on her exclusive,sad recipes meant inevitably to turn you into a fat,ugly blob like her own self.And then Ms. Simran who somehow had the boundaries between the words teacher and whore blurred in her mind.But the worst of all was Ayush- a man so low on self-esteem that it was a surprise his own body hadn’t rejected him.He would come down to Pranav with queries which were insulting even for a grade four student,let alone a PGT in one of the top rated schools of Delhi.Pranav could hardly do to hide his rage and impulse of strangling the pest and taking over all his classes,which,considering the time he spent honing the man’s knowledge and spirit,was another extension of his endless duties anyway.Three years down the line,the school and the city were still more of difficult strangers to him; his flat a site of lonely rendezvous with his duties as a divorced father and intoxicating,wild day-dreaming when muggy afternoons overpowered his already battered mind with draining slumps.He was the incompatible organ transplant for his new life.Through the cyclic,ceaseless streams of his thoughts,he saw one of the students approaching his centrally placed desk and brushed the confusion away.

” Abhishek ! Why don’t you sit down and make yourself comfortable ? ” He pointed to a chair lying nearby and smiled.

” Thank you,Sir.” The boy grinned after a guarded pause as he sat down on the chair.

Does this idiot really think i am concerned about his comfort ? Did i smile for way too long ? Pranav nodded and began the viva.

Three minutes and four questions later the boy got up with a fuming expression on his face and was greeted by Pranav’s smiling face as he called for the next student.

After the twenty fifth roll number or so,he was running out of intriguing questions and his forced smiles.However,as he read out the next student’s name,he mentally uncrossed his arms and and adjusted his posture.

She came down to his desk with a pen and her answer-sheet in her hand,her freshly cropped and styled hair tossing in the morning air,like an endless expanse of Casablanca Lilies trying to steal a slumber in the fluffy cushion of

a spring breeze.For the first time in the day,Pranav could look at something and not be bored or irritated.Her sharp facial features and tender,comely body made him uneasy and thoughtful.Only when she raised her eyebrows and addressed him for the second time,did he compose himself.” Yes,of course,sit down,Manyata.”

She did.And that only made it more difficult for him.When she crossed her legs,he got a glimpse of something which seemed wrong and exciting to him at the same time.He had to avert his eyes to an already checked file lest they gave his game away before he could afford it.

” So,Manyata, what portions have you covered well ? ” He asked with a knowing smile. I hope the shirt really does go down well with the jeans or else Shruti will know better than to approve anything i ask her about.

 

She returned his smile with an intensity which was nearly doubled,if it were even possible. ” The first two units,sir.But i have my reasons.”

” I’m sure you do,but do you think they will allow us to include them in your assessment report ? ” Her response had confused him.Did she like anything she saw or was she merely trying to sell her smiles for the passing grades ? Either way,he didn’t mind that.Manyata was his only solace,only motivation,only sincere source and sink of feelings in the perplexing madness of life.She was the one person he genuinely felt for and wanted to have a more meaningful,deeper connection with.The baser instincts which came with the feeling were only the by-products,he rationalized.But did that justify the levels he had stooped to ?  He didn’t want to know,for one ; nor could he afford to.That would cost him his sanity and salvation.

After he was done with asking Manyata questions which he knew she would answer,he gave her the registration verification pro forma document for the next session to fill in her personal details like address,parents’ occupations,phone number et al.Before calling the next student he put on a busy appearance and casually noted down her number on a plain sheet of paper.

Dismissing the students at the end of the stipulated period of three hours was a relief.Pranav thanked them all for their cooperation and wished them luck for the next paper,replacing each word with something more colourful and censored in his mind.Afterwards he collected the answer-sheets and paperwork and rushed out of the lab full with the chattering,sniggering pieces of art.

Down the corridor leading to the girls’ washroom,he stopped in his tracks when he thought he heard a muffled scream.He vacillated and hesitated for a minute and then decided to check on whatever was happening there.God,did he want to go home and call Manyata or something ! He paced slowly,subconsciously holding his breath about the preposterous idea of going into the girls’ washroom.

He opened the door in one swift,silent motion and saw something which made him freeze and gape.Two bodies,wrapped around each other on the floor,writhing and panting in heat and passion,their tongues shoved deep into each other’s mouth,sucking the insides of the oral cavity like their lives depended on it.Manyata and Shruti- the only two people who were keeping the gates of lunacy closed for him.

Before they could realize what had happened or react to it,he jerked the girl away from the coupling and smashed her face into the mirror mocking him.” Bitch !!!!” He roared. The mirror turned red with his own blood,reflecting the ire and tumult in his being.

 

                                                                               

 

Three days later,he got his transfer-cum-dismissal letter while he was getting ready to go to the hospital.He did not know whether to cry or laugh at the taste of freedom.

Sublime

Love- a subject that enthralls several, haunts many and puzzles one and all.It has been said that love is never singular except in syllable and probably thats true.But then again, who can refute the adage which says “Trip over love and you will get up and out ; fall in love, and you will fall forever.”? Love knows no reason, rhyme, logic or limits and is a world in itself. Condemned by several, cherished by the lucky few and survived by the fewer still, it is an enigma,a cult, a creed- to explore, to revere, to worship and to follow.But it promises no favours, announces no incentives and can be cruel to the core.The story of Echo and Narcissus is one such moving tale of unrelenting love and the fate it meets.For those of you, who have not read it yet, here it is : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissus.

In the following piece of poetry, the spirit of Narcissus is reborn as the knight Aaron who is blindly in love with the most beautiful Lady of his times, Andromeda, unaware of the fact that her own best friend and companion Abigail,Echo incarnate, loves him with an unflinching love in life and death.On his insistence, Abigail arranges for his meeting with Lady Andromeda, dying a death in every single breath and moment while she does that.Andromeda, on the other hand, despises the knight on account of the fact that she knows that he loves her and it sickens her that he does so even though he is aware that Andromeda gives not a hoot to him.On this fateful night Aaron comes to her castle, she is possessed by Nemesis, the Goddess of Revenge and her hate for the knight intensifies multiple times.Heres the account of what follows :

 

 

Out burst the mantle of grim clouds, shrieked and shone Zeus in rage,

The conifers rattled beneath the flashes of fatal thunder, the hummocks shuddered ;

Torrents that deluged the gradients and gales that shook the plaintive bases, blasted in harmony their rampage,

The Night went all out, Artemis wavered ;

And loomed large the Castle of Lady Andromeda

 

 

Blazing, bewitching, blinding glory, a face shrouded in equal measures by wrath and grace,

A lady of virtues and vices, a kiss of death, sepulchre of a mirage ;

She stood and glowed on the keep of the castle, her locks and winds in close embrace,

Her ivory robe swirled and tossed, creating with the thunderbolts and the moon, a divine montage ;

And in her eyes,flickered and stagnated the vision of the man she waited

 

 

He was in the wind, and then at the mighty tower,

A flash of virility, a glimpse of fanciable visage ;

Radiating with each gallop of the stallion, sharp,shiny tendrils of power,

As he streaked to and made halt at the castle, glimmered his armour like some old forgotten adage ;

And the instant next, he ascended the keep – valiant Lord Aaron

 

 

Andromeda reached out, to give the audacious knight her hand, as if in command,

And thus spake she ” Thou dost come my lover, in pursuit of me and reachest my abode through this inferno barely ;

The ire of the heavens thou didst endure but who said,love, then, is a fair demand ?

Struck not by the shards of indifference, love is but the mightiest might, this i propose all bluntly;

But let this be known to thee, if two dont play at this game, doomed is the one who does so and lays his own altar at woe”

 

 

“Aeons ago, thou wert this hunter, born to Liriope and Cephissus, beautiful than the age itself,

Christened Narcissus and how truly, the foil to thy namesake flower – vain, haughty and disdainful ;

Thou didst love truly and faithfully, but none other than lowly thyself,

The love of Echo, for thee, eternal and forever eager, was never returned, tainting it disgraceful ;

She pined away,I adore her for that, thine love in her killed her, and Nemesis abhors thee for that ”

 

 

The knight, stunned and reminiscent,recalled with dread the dawn of the day,

Sheathed in gloom and an anxious countenance ;

Came to him the manner of Lady Abigail, devastated, in dismay,

As she bade him farewell, to the meet she herself had designed, her eyes spoke volumes of pure penance ;

How could he not see the love therein, how did he discredit the integrity of it, and the irony of calling love blind – a fatal flow, a mere habit

 

 

“And so thou meet thy Nemesis tonight, scorn and contempt and death at my side,

Thou offended love, and twice at that, and chose to run after deathly delusions ;

Foliage of love, if transformed into barbs of vengeance, only by rules of Ate abide,

Harken to thy Fates now, as they decree justice to love and grant thee thy final summons ;

The throes of a ravished heart, now will thou gauge and this blade of thy unrequited love will end thine days ”

 

 

As she spoke, she brandished the sabre and lunged at the throat of her errant suitor,

But before the iron could draw blood, out soared the poisoned arrow ;

Shot under the incensed eyes, and from the bow furious with anger,

Beauty unrivalled, charm deathly, rode her horse, Lady Abigail aglow ;

The walls thence turned scarlet as they were bound to be, with the life and blood of the Lady who ruled them a moment before mercilessly

 

 

” You speak of love Andromeda, and know nothing of it,

It seeks not revenge, nor redemption – well versed in how to burn or sublime ;

It completes itself and stands in both receipt and rejection equally befit,

Deriving its existence in itself, relishing on the slightest chime ;

A look, a nod , a smile or a word, Hatred, indifference, ignorance or forgetfulness are enough to keep it to its roots anchored ”

 

 

” He loves me or he loves me not, never did matter to me, nor it will,

In this lifetime, or the one I left behind, love was never a game, nor vocation for me ;

Not loving someone back or loving someone who loves you not is not a crime,but standstill,

It will pass, your love will not, uncorrupted if it stands by infatuation or envy ;

For as long as the Earth sustains hearts and humanity or the Olympus reigns above, there has been and there will be love………”

 

 

( Words fade as Abigail gives her hand to Aaron to help him stand, and they walk away from the castle holding hands in the torrential night.)

Smothered

Day 1

 

 

Bhartii

 

 

Bangles.Harlequin green bangles.Aham always said they brought out the best in me.As if looking through the gleaming crystal loops,he could see the shades and faces of my identity unknown to all except him and derived an unearthly pleasure in the act.Like the drops and streamlets of stray water left on a grassy lawn after an october evening rain,the bangles melted and reformed in my mind to show all shapes and hues Aham saw as the aspects and alter-egos which made me who i was- pure,lively,radiant and serene.

The first thing i noticed as i raised my hands to look for my lock in the array of locks hanging along the chain was his enchanted face,gazing intently at me with a guarded enigmatic expression which spoke all languages restrained love was a polyglot of.The way he was looking at me made me realize how clumsy i was with the manoeuvre and how his eyes could find beauty in places wholly mundane and meaningless to the rest of us.Finally when i found my lock,i could not help but look wistfully at the chain which held so many of the locks along its entire length and was more than a merger of ordinary and the symbolic,of tangible and the spiritual.We were at the doorway of the Dargah,and i could already feel the waves of absolute peace and piety which cut you off from rest of the world leading to a trance almost painful and majorly exotic.

Six months ago i had asked for a wish,cuddling it safely in my tears and the lock i had put on the chain the last time i had been here and now that the dream was standing beside me,i was here to take the souvenir of the blessing back home.As we walked to the inner courtyard,we played our silly little game of touching and counting each other’s fingers as many times as possible whenever we walked close enough.The fragrant aroma of perfumes,flowers and incense sticks and the hypnotizing hymns reverberating through the precincts completed the arc of the catharsis my mind was secretly wishing for and before i knew i,was crying softly.

“You are crying,bachche ! ” Aham stopped and whispered to my face while struggling with my stole to make sure my head was properly covered.

” Can’t I ? ” I smiled at him,with eyes full of tears.And love.

“All you want ! However on second thoughts you think we can spare the Moallim the ordeal of watching you break down just because you have nothing to cry over ? ” He smiled back at me,with eyes full of mirth and intoxicating bliss.

” Yeah sure,just don’t give me a look which shows how eager you are to give me a reason.Again ! ” I wiped the tears away,caressing their nimble,ephemeral warmth.

Few minutes later,when we were returning back,Aham paused at the site where the chain was hanging.When i looked quizzcally at him,he nodded and took out a small lock from his pocket.As i stood wondering what was that supposed to mean,he put the lock in place,giving it a fleeting kiss,all the while looking at me.

“What did you wish for ? ” I asked him,sounding very much the idiot i was feeling like inside.

” Same as your wish.Love.Always love.And a way we could be together forever,in the time warp which completes both of us.” He answered,a whimsical fantasy playing strange melancholic numbers in his eyes,which were now focussed at the distant hillocks visible at the top of the climb.

” You are stil not over the entire thing.” I murmured,reflecting on the meaning and implications of my own statement.

” What made you think so bachche ?”, he wavered in his intensity.” I’m good.Let’s go.”

When we reached my place and i got out of his car,i lingered to say something to him.

But he was the first to speak,his face in throes of something which no words could explain ” Bhartii,i have to tell you something and do know that there’s no good way to say this.The lock i put up on the chain there was not for you.And this is the last time we will ever see each other.I can not explain and i know you won’t care.I’m sorry.”

And that was actually the last time i saw Aham.My Aham.My dream,as it rushed away from me.I can still recall the anguish and rage which flashed on his face as he raised the window and drove away like a maniac while i stood in front of my house,shattered,lost and transfixed- like the kid who assembles all the lego blocks in the right places and is about to complete his dream castle when somebody walks down on the structure breaking it into pieces,which can never be recovered and assembled the same way ever.

Aham

Pain.Excruciating pain.The sort where you know picking on it will hurt and you still go with it.The type which proves that there are things far worse than death.That was what i felt as i drove away deserting Bhartii in love and life.But forgiveness was bonded with the pangs of guilt surging through my being.I knew this was not something i could do,but also this was the very thing i had to do.Six months of imprisonment and the taint which comes with it is enough to take down any diligent law student’s career and sanity.I struggled as much i could until the shadows within the shadows of insecurity grew way larger than my existence,swallowing it alive.And i did not want the Fates to word a similar story for Bhartii.She was better off without me.We both were better off without each other.Loving somebody is easier,it’s the stepping back for your love which tears you down to pieces.I,however was a different story.My love for Bharatii was the only reason i made it through and ironically,it was the reason i was falling down and down and down,into an abyss i had no wish to get out of.

Day 5

 

 

Bhartii 

 

 

Sometimes when i was taking a break from being my pragmatic self,i would wonder what’s stronger than guilt and a silhouette of it in all other respects.Now i knew.Helplessness.All these days when Aham was not picking up my calls or replying to my texts and pings,each new series of rings i heard when i dialled his number was a thread i held onto more and more violently and frantically.Every single beep on my phone bubbled up and then cruelly burned down my hopes.Spending all my days staring at his facebook wall just to get a glimpse or a word of what he was up to was something i never thought i would have to do.But here i was,turning into and harbouring the mockery of love i felt for him.

And then the realisation dawned on me.It was the instant i saw him walk away in the middle of the only class we had in common and for which he had turned up after two days; not even bothering with a glance at me.I recalled the story of a boy my best friend Vidhi had told me the other day,who was so obsessed with a pendant his late dad had left for him that he quoted events and proofs to claim it as his lucky charm.He always won his soccer matches when he had the pendant with him.One fine day,he discovered a crack in the thing and took it to his mom.His mom promised to get it mended and she did.The next day when the kid came back home after winning a match,his mom kissed him and told him they needed to talk.Turns out the pendant could not be repaired and the mother had bought an exactly similar one for the child just because he thought he could not go on without the pendant,which as it was evidently proven,he totally could.I was being the child.My unrequited feelings,and the hurt and aching hollowness which were taking over them, were distorting the paradigm through which i had to see the entire thing in context.I had to get my mind out of the mess where it could think rationally.Fast ! And boy,is blabbering always easier than doing the task for real !

I realised that the hard way,crying my eyes out for the entire evening,lighting ten or so blue candles in my room.Afterwards drunk on my grief and drowned in the loud music around me,i answered Vidhi’s call.

” Bhartii,are you okay ? Listen we need to talk.” She sounded way more tense and solemn than i was.

” Yup….i just realised that it’s no use holding onto each word he said,each memory which was exclusively ours if i what am fighting for is to get him out of my mind.I really don’t have to close the entire book,just turning the page and forgetting about it should suffice.And i am not that weak,am i Vidhi,when each breath i take,every time i look at him and don’t break down to the miserable creature i had become proves that i can live ? As long as i have people like you and mom holding me in place,i don’t have to be The Kid.I simply can not afford the luxury of being him.” I said and immediately felt some of the crushing weight on my psyche lighten.

“Yes.I am so happy for you that you actually saw through the things with reason and i understand that you still need a closure; at least some sort of an explanation from Aham,but believe you me,sometimes it’s best not to question things.We should be prudent enough if we are dealing with the phases in life which are more of Pandora’s box.” She said in her trademark “serious talk’ tone which always had a calming effect on me.

“How i hate it when you are so damned right ! “, I sighed and smiled inwardly.” So,what are the plans for tomorrow ? Wanna go out somewhere after college ? I badly need to try my hand at being normal. ”

” That won’t be possible.This is what we needed to talk about.”

” What now ? I mean,we just had a dead serious talk,Vidhi ! ” I grumbled.

” No.You don’t understand and i don’t know how to make you understand,but just know this girl,i love you and i want you to be happy and us to remain best friends no matter what .Aham and i are going out on a date tomorrow.”

Vidhi

 

Fire and ice.Blood and gold.Mercy and treason.Oh,how closely are ironies bound to the facets of life ! The hardest thing you have to do turns out to be the best thing you ever did.I loved and cared for Bhartii more than any friend could ever do,but you know a bitch when you see one.Our hearts are those wretched little monsters,turning the very definition of love into a nasty oxymoron.The truth is i loved Aham more.I always did.But when i knew Bhartii was going out with him,i checked myself from turning into one of those jealousy-driven,backbiting friends i had always despised.I knew i had to.Why,if it was the other way around,Bhratii would have done the same and that’s something i am sure of more than myself.It was meant to be that way.But then i got to know that things could never work out between her and Aham and my feelings for him were back to where they truly belonged.It was the least i could do for Bhartii.And for Aham.It was mercy.Yes,it was mercy.And trust.And the million little things friendship is. 

 

Day 8

 

 

Bhartii

 

The sensation of the lights in my room being turned on was easy to gauge with my eyes closed.I had a vicious pumping of aching pulses raging in my head,made worse by the illumination,but i was certainly not going to wake up so early on a saturday morning.More so because i had nothing left to wake up for.A blackboard dusted clean after a long day.That was my life now-  empty,plain and amazingly vast for a fresh start.But then i smelled a faint hint of my morning coffee,which i had given up on for the last few days.And my mom.I could hear the characteristic chiming of her bangles as she put my books and laptop away from my bed and placed the tray on the table beside my bed.

Her cold hands on my forehead were a soothing change,a caress which meant home.And peace.

” You okay,Tee ? Want to wake up,love,and talk to me for a while ? Just look at the view outside the window.Looks like winter is coming early this year.” She spoke,brushing her fingers through my hair.

I opened one eye,and then both. ” What time is it,mom ? ”

” Nine o’clock.Your dad just went out after having a talk about you.He worries.” Was she choking on her words ?

” Tell him there’s nothing to worry about.You can only feel the hurt to a limit.Push someone beyond that and the person couldn’t care less.After you complete the circle,there’s nowhere to go.”, I tried to comfort her,hoping that the words sounded true and sincere enough.

” But you haven’t completed the circle,Tee.There’s still a lot you have to do.”, She commented.

” Yeah,like falling in love again ? Getting a job ? Mom,give me a break.I know what i have to do.And you just don’t order your heart around.If i don’t feel like it,i won’t do anything.That’s it ! ” I was furious now,my anger shifting it’s locant from betrayal and infidelity to spoonfeeding and pampering.

” But you always loved going to your dance classes.May be they’ll help.Just to get you going and keep you busy,beta.” She suggested,half-afraid i would shout at her or something.

But I didn’t.” Fine.I will go.Just let me sleep for a few more minutes.”, I tried to force a smile,and failed royally at that.

She gave me a peck and went away without saying a word.As if she thought she could fool me into thinking how composed and strong she was and she wasn’t crying herself to sleep every single night i did it in my own bed.

Maansi

People think it’s easier to forgive yourself than to forgive someone else.All love,after all,is derived from self-love.But is it ? A mother knows better.When you see your child,a part of you,suffering and can do nothing about it,that part somewhere within you dies a thousand deaths.Bhartii was always closer to me than her dad.And what good did that do her ? I still can’t do anything about it,i might as well consider myself the one to blame.I have failed as a mother,as a woman and as the mentor Bhatii always thought i was to her.As i look at her face now,i can almost touch the cold knife,the hurt,the dread and the feeling that my child still has a long way to go if she is to come out of the torment she is in.

 

 

 

Day 16

 

 

 

Bhartii

 

I had always loved Salsa.When i was at it,i transformed into someone else.Someone who is magic,fire and grace; all things beautifully lethal.I love Suelta,its solo form even more.But not that evening.

An arm caught me around the waist,pulling me onto the dance floor.I recovered my footing quickly,holding his hands in mine and falling in step with Kavya.Kavya,who was pure mischief and a bastard in the game of hearts.As he spun me into an intricate turn,his eyes sparkled with innocent delight,with a fervent hope and an intense faith in my capability to love again.I let him lead me around,wondering how really good he was at it.A guy who can understand and speak in the wordless expressions the beats and turns signified; can you imagine the sarcasm destiny had a way to throw at me ? I could almost hear the three hags giggle in mirth.I had to try and resist myself from loving a guy who was leaving no stones unturned to make sure i give in.I mean,just look at the things the man was doing for me ! He called himself my ” Rebound Romeo” ( a term most of the other guys would self-combust at ),would listen to all of my sob-stories,take me out to crappy movies we laughed our asses off and proposed to me in the middle of my Insurance Law class (i was majorly surprised later when i recalled that i hadn’t even looked at Aham at the time ),which needless to say,did not help much with my grades in a project i was already late for.To top it all,my mom and dad were literally abetting the guy in his endeavour.Mom actually gave away my favourites in music to the Pied Piper,which immediately resulted in the daily delivery of a mixed DVD at my place.Worse still,the songs were all fabulous and a treat to discover and indulge in.

As if he was reading my mind all along,he smiled and spun me out into a flourish-filled ending,much to the delight of everyone in the class.Cheers and laughter continued,but as they faded and the group dispersed for the night,Kavya persisted in holding on to my hand,his fingers laced with mine.The music faded to a dramatic finish,and i finally decided to look at his face.

” I want to talk.Mind if we stop by at my place on the way home ? ” The question was clearer in his eyes.

I nodded and we both walked out of the studio.

Once at his place,he handed me a bottle of diet coke and asked me to wait while he changed and got himself his beer.When he came back in his turquoise blue hoodie and pyjamas,i wondered if this was actually the guy i had been running away from.He was looking so adorable.And vulnerable.

” So !! ” He sat down next to me on the couch and flashed a brief, goofy grin.” We have had this talk before as well.And you know all i want out of you is that you move on.So,it’s important for me to know if you are ready or not.”

” And you want me to believe that the exclusive motive behind the concern is altruism ? “, I raised an eyebrow,enjoying the game inside.

” Hell no !!  I ain’t a goddamned saint,you are too attractive for me to be one ! ” He laughed out loud.” You know how much i want you.It’s your turn to give it a shot,tell me if you will.”

And that did it.The sheer honesty,cuteness and the prospects ahead which he meant to me were incentives enough.I had all the rights to be happy for once and to start all over again.The company i was going to have might just turn out to be the best bonus ever.And come to think of it,what did i have to lose ? To hell with it ! I would go for it !! ” What if i say yes ? ” I teased him.

” What ? The best i can do right now is drinking to us and may be throwing one of us out of the window in the excitement ! ” He winked.

” Do that to yourself.The answer is yes ! ” I said,and before i could complete the statement,he lifted me off the couch,shouting ” Yay !! I love you” all the while and when he put me down,the look in his eyes turned almost dreamy as he leaned in for a kiss.

The rest of the night was spent in a daze ; the first kiss,the tender caresses on my hair,the weight and smell of Kavya’s body on mine,the way our fingers had interlocked perfectly and the instant our souls and bodies became one in pleasure and pain were all foggy details,until the moment he chose to break the comfortable,magical silence,through which i was drinking his essence and being.

” There’s more to it,Bhartii.Do you want to talk it out right now ?

” Tell me”, i breathed on to his face.

” I know you would need to talk to Aham one last time before you can truly get over the entire thing.I have asked him to meet you tomorrow and he has agreed.But before you do that,you need to know something.You remember the first time we met in the dance class ? I bet you won’t know that that was not purely accidental; i mean how could things have moved so fast between us if there wasn’t another story playing in the background ? It goes all the way back to the time Aham was jailed.You see,i have known Aham before you.In fact,i got to know about you from him.Since the first time i saw you,i was always smitten by the enigma in you.So,when Aham decided to let you go for your own good, Vidhi,him and i had a talk.Afterwards,your parents also sided in our efforts in saving you from yourself,from your love.They knew this all along.We all did,and now that you are safe where you truly belong,i thought you had a right to know.”

” You bet ! ” I said,as i kissed him.

 

 

 

Two months later

 

 

Bhartii

Bangles.Blood red bangles.I knew they were bringing out the best in me.Fire,blood,vengeance,rage and beauty.Anger ventilated turns into forgiveness,anger concealed into revenge.What of the anger you didn’t even know you were carrying within ? People should either be treated generously or destroyed altogether,because they take revenge for slight injuries; for heavy ones they can’t.And tonight,the woman won’t be frailty,whatever the bard might have said earlier.Rising over and forgiving someone is sweet,crushing them down to pieces is sweeter still.Like i had heard it somewhere,if everything you loved turns out to be a lie,somebody has to pay ; if deception cuts this deep,somebody has to pay.Justifying love and forgiveness was something i was doing all along,and where did that get me ? People would hiss and scoff at the very mention of words like hate and revenge,but conveniently disregard the fact that it is love which has caused more damage in the entire human history.Or that the hate inside them is as much a real part of them as the blue-eyed love.I was selfish enough to side with the one which suited me better.Tonight,it was hate,fuelling me,driving me to the strength and self-worth i never knew i had.For once,i was truly in charge of my life and felt good about it.If people abhor revenge by the same logic which scares them away from pleasure,constantly running away from any sins they might commit,let them.I won’t.Anymore.

This night was mine.The night of my engagement.Once i got down into the lawn where the marquee was,i texted Aham.

Minutes later,he was in front of me.

” Oh my my ! ” I flashed the brightest smile i could. ” Look at you,Aham ! Ever so handsome,ever so full of life,aren’t you ? ”

” i just wanted to……” He started.

” Stop ! I know what you wanted to.To wish me a happy life ahead,with Kavya.You need not.I will make sure it is one.But i got to tell you somethig else.It’s my turn at the ” We need to talk” thingy.Oh,it’s about your little baby i am carrying inside me.”

Shock and panic leaped into his eyes.

” Oh,remember the night we met,two days after i said yes to Kavya and the cosy little weak moment we had ? “, I was all smiles.And malice. ” What,did you,like this fool with the ring over there,think that the baby was his ? ”

I smiled and started walking down to Kavya,who looked devastingly handsome in his suited up avatar.” When you guys started playing gambles with my life,you didn’t bother to consult me at any point,did you? Same here.I just forgot to tell you that i didn’t take any pills the next morning.As for my parents who were so obsessed with their son and the financial mess they were in,they didn’t give two hoots to my ambitions,to my feelings,my desires,right ? Well,this kid will be a constant reminder for me to stay away from them.And as you can see that my filthy rich husband there will support me in whatever i do,i will continue chasing my studies and dreams like i had always intended to.And i am glad that i didn’t have to see my Aham with anybody.Thank God he died and left you in his place,an abomination,a weakling,a shadow of his former self and a miserable craven at heart.Tell your bitch that she could have the man you are so clearly not,when you share this wonderful,heart-warming piece of news with her.Or i will.Ok, i have to rush now.Gotta tell my boy about the thing as well ! You stay put,and enjoy the night.” I sent a flying kiss his way and turned to the lights.And to the new life waiting eagerly for me.

ANNEXURE ( Related reading ) :

Draupadi,as portrayed in Mahabharata

Shimmer

A grey,cold cabin,probably carved out from a single block of granite in the middle of the small town where i grew up,that’s what it was.Devoid of any openings except for the broad,rectangular slot which acted as the door,the building always seemed to be staring at you.Even from a distance you could see the examination table directly in front of you and in the middle of the cabin,mottled with its characteristic dried stains from blood and remnants of tissues.A befitting place to preserve death and dignity.Blotted rolls of surgical cotton and abandoned clothes scattered in the surrounding overgrowth of Acacia and Parthenium were the sights which inevitably would slow me down whenever i happened to be going down the road which overlooked the postmortem house.

I could never fathom the logic by which the authorities and people concerned deemed a place in the middle of a developing market-place suitable for a mortuary.To me,the place was too much of an abomination,turning even the air around it into hushed whispers.On my way to school,sometimes i could see a bunch of people sitting outside the chamber,huddled together to form a human chain of mourning and consolation.Their wailing and tears were almost as disturbing as the body lying nearby,invariably wrapped in a white shroud on a cart.I always used to slow down,may be pause for a while on certain days and shudder at the thought of the fate awaiting the body.Thankfully,i never could see the events which followed the arrival of the coroner and the pathologist.The thought of school and the constant chatter of the friends with me would divert my thoughts away from the morbid stillness and i would plod on.

The morgue spanned the end of a grassy patch which sloped down the main road to meet an imposing stretch of barren,dry land speckled with localised patches of small moors.The area would be completely filled with water when the monsoons arrived,drowning the ominous stench and feel which permeated the summers in the vicinity.Then all an outsider could see was a benign hut tangential to the small reservoir of water surrounding it.

It was an early July afternoon,if memory serves me well.One of my friends and I got out of the school to see the sky turning pitch black and sinister in rage.The monsoon madness.From where i come,Zeus had a longing affection and passionate attachment with the earth goddess Gaea.After the first monsoon showers,there would be instances when it would be raining torrents for days at a stretch,without any observable respite.Frontal or cyclonic rainfall was what they termed it as.So,you can imagine our alarm and the sense of urgency to get home as soon as possible.Incidentally,that meant taking a shortcut which touched the periphery of the postmortem house.Since we were the radical,young blood of the times and it was broad afternoon,in spite of the dark aura of the thunderclouds to the contrary,we decided to make a rush before the stormy winds or the rains notched a crescendo of unstoppable intensity.

By the time we reached the corner leading to the path that intersected the posterior walls of the morgue,it was already raining.The earthy,acrid smell of months of dust being washed down by water and the sound of the showers coupled with the winds whipping the streams against our face made us scurry towards the cabin with our schoolbags doubling up as our umbrellas.And then we both froze.

There was a corpse laid down on an abandoned cart.With no one around to take care of it,the shroud was rippling in the wind.And occasionally,you could see the swollen and disfigured toes of the dead body.

This isn’t anything unusual. We looked at each other as if to say the same thing,but our eyes gave away the slightest flicker of uncertainty.After the hiatus,Ashutosh decided to take the lead and i followed him,mentally crossing my fingers.

Fortunately for us,a middle-aged man and a small boy just happened to join us as we took the first step.When this uncle saw the corpse,he took a step back and looked at us.

“Why would you choose this way if you had an idea about this happening ? ” He raised his eyebrow to point out towards the body.

Now meddlesome uncles were quite a common sight for our small town and we were far too glad to have his company to be irritated,hence I mumbled something about the route being a shortcut and kept on walking through the rain.

” No,but how much of your time does this really save ? Gods be good,if something untoward happened,do you think anybody will know ? If nothing else,this unearthly,diabolic energy around the place doesn’t bode well for anyone.” Uncle,apparently,was adamant on sharing his profound wisdom with us.

Ashutosh,always the blunt one,responded, ” But what should we be worried about ? Spirits ? You really think that they care to be seen or felt by us mortals ? Won’t that be like us deserting earth and heading for hell or whatever to show the wraiths there that we exist ? Moreover,i have seen people disposing off the medical waste every now and then if that’s what troubles you.”

” Beta,speak not of the things which are beyond your existence or understanding.All i ask of you is to be safe if you can afford that.Stories have an uncanny way of turning out to be true.” Uncle remarked,while manoeuvring his way through the slippery,muddy slope at the end of the path.

I gave Ashutosh a calculating stare to shut him up and after a while,we turned to the respective directions for our homes.After the uncle was gone and I had thanked him mentally for helping us along,I looked back at the postmortem house.Through the deluge,I saw the corpse one last time.And now that the shroud was flapping wildly in the wind,I could see the vague outlines of a red and grey check shirt and black pants  –  exactly the same as worn by the uncle who was talking to us.