Sanctum

The wait is turning tedious and draining.

I watch him at close quarters- he bites his lips ever so lightly,nervous and excited at the thought of it.An amalgam of a smile and a restrained sneer zig-zags down his face in confused arcs.He draws a deep breath,smelling the aroma of roses and earth.And temptation.This helps him out with his predicament.He allows himself another,more convinced smile,puts his i-pod on shuffle,adjusts his headset and the collar of his oddly sweaty shirt before his eyes start gleaming with someone i know for a tricky consort of mine.I relax in the familiarity.

” Next station is Janakpuri West.Doors will open on the right.Please mind the gap.”

The announcement makes him uneasy,as if he was running short of time,which most probably was true by the look on the girl’s face and her frequent glances at her watch.He casually releases the overhead strap he was hanging on to and shifts uncomfortably to his right in the crowd,manoeuvring his way through the array of inconvenience topped by a fat boy lost in his hardcover,salvaging the humanity around him with his almost condescending,bored demeanour and reeking underarms.Next he steps on the toes of an obnoxiously groomed pest of a man listening to some trash on his cellphone and being altruistic enough to sing in sync with the beats loud and clear enough to let everyone around be familiar with the lyrics,in case they were even vaguely curious or feeling left out.In a seemingly disoriented attempt at holding on to the pole next to him,he brushes his hand through her hair.A shiver of forbidden electricity runs wild through his being and he stops dead in his endeavour,keeping his hand where it fell first,softly caressing her.Apparently the girl didn’t notice at all and is still smiling at something only she is privy to.He stands frozen next to her,rooted in and bound to her intoxicating presence.A distant thought and visage crosses his mind which grabs my attention,but he shakes the hesitation off himself soon enough and i slip back into my inertia,disappointed but eager for a resurgence.

The girl decides to take something out of her purse,opens its zip,rummages through the chaos,and takes out her cellphone.With the sleek,shining phone in her dainty hand,she suddenly turns towards him.He is taken aback and prepares himself for an explanation or apology,swallowing a lump.But she flashes a benign smile and presses the digits on the keypad several times in a swift,cyclical movement of her manicured nails.I watch him loosen up and smile again tentatively,like a child testing the patience of his parents.

For the rest of the duration of his commute,he makes do with just looking at her and doing all the homework in his head.Not so when she was getting out of the train.He made a face, a convincing one for his non-existent discomfort, and pressed his body against her as she picked her carry bag up from the floor,aligning his face with her back.His entire body thrummed alive with the rush,her proximity making him go wobbly and high and light-headed.His orgasmic ordeal was punctuated only by her exit,allowing him to catch his breath.

I do not respond kindly to being thrown to the sidelines.He,of all, should know.

* * *  * * *

When he reaches the stop at the end of his street,he gets off the metro feeder bus bathed in new outlook and sensations,vigour and uncertainty,vaguely inebriated on his own novelty.The feeling was like getting out of ruts ; like discovering a new side of yourself, like lying when you know you would get away with it.Suddenly his phone starts ringing and the spell is broken.Home.He picks up the call with a smile and talks with animated gestures meant at making himself believe in what he wanted.

It was the most I could do to stop jeering and sniggering in his face.Oh, do I heart me these little games of convenience people play with themselves,making sure they feel what they are supposed to !

After hanging up,he looks at the hoarding in front of him advertising a hair care product promising the classic oxymoronic promise of delivering a “new and improved” version,unsure of what he was looking at or what was he asked to do.A minute later,he brushes the confusion away and starts walking to the butcher’s shop down the street.

I grow weary of this ring-a-rosy where the cards are not mine and excruciatingly mundane.

While he waits for his order to be handed over to him at the butcher’s,he watches the man at his work.He observes him grasp the legs of a bird firmly in his right hand,raising it off the ground.The bird swings in the air,suspended with its head hanging down.The butcher touches the edge of the chicken’s neck where it meets its skull.He is transfixed by the light in the bird’s eyes and even though it makes him mildly sick,he continues to stare.With one swift stroke of his knife,the butcher slashes the neck of the bird.The decapitated chicken starts thrashing violently and spraying blood everywhere in terrifying spasms.The butcher quickly throws the torso into a tub of boiling water and covers it with a lid.Only then does he look away,feeling horrified,except not so much for real.

When he arrives at his apartment,I smile from the shadows.Home.More so for me than him.

* * *  * * *

Before she opens the door for him, I lurk around ; I consider my moves, reassess my words for their worth and satisfied with the entire procedure,allow him to put on a smile.

The next instant she stands in front of him.Freshly out of the shower.Wet hair, glowing face,enchanting smile.Beauty that makes you uncomfortable,charm which makes you feel like a stranger.I can never have enough of precisely that.I ask him to go for a peck and hug as I steal the warmth out of it to relish.Unaware of his state,she actually gives herself to him.I dismiss that as a diligent pretence.I urge him to look for a spark,a connection,the very same i replaced.He finds the exercise futile and taxing, and so do I.Settling for less is our forte, our existence.I do not like it one bit when the patterns are broken.

She asks him about his day.He answers with an enthusiasm as fake as the people denying my existence or treating me as their shameful secret,their blue-eyed guilty pleasure.He tells her funny and exciting stories he made up on his way home ; she tries very hard to believe him.Both know better however.He looks at the towel in her hand and a vision of his brother handing her the same towel flashes through his mind.She was in for her shower and he recalls clearly the pointedly lecherous manner in which his brother lingered and clavered for no reason whatsoever.Why do they talk so much, he finds himself asking the question.

Why do they ? I resonate.

He entreats her carefully,guardedly about this Expecting and Loving It club she was considering to join and she expresses her absolute lack of interest for the idea immediately.She would be better off reading books on the subject.Or fucking lord knows whom, he adds silently.He asks her if she can cook the chicken herself or should he do it for his love.She kisses him on the cheeks and gets up to head for the kitchen.

Five minutes later,he hears a thud followed by a scream ,and rushes frantically to the kitchen.She is lying on the floor in a little pool of blood,articulating,gurgling words,trying not to choke on them.He hears something to the effect of calling his brother.Or his mother.He couldn’t care less.And another upsurge of buried memories swirls in the whirlpool of his psyche.A packet of condoms in her room – opened,used.That didn’t need any explanation.

I left room for none.

This was the moment I was waiting for.I rise, I rush, I take him down.I shroud him in myself and take him down the abyss at the edge of which this dance commenced.We both fall down.Forever.

He calls his brother,explains the situation to him and gets out of the house,like a man about to die- with nothing to lose,everything to fear.

ADDENDUM

Listen to my symphony here ….

Screams

On the waning of love

 

 

Lavish on me,like the cruel rains,

mercy,and yourself ; smothering me,drawing screams so beautiful,

pain which’ll be the only elixir ,only relief ;

this ballad of weakness the muse of my being,

and the sepulchre of mine your reason to rejoice,

Love,naked,defeated bows down before you,

You have conquered but your own death wish,

If victory be so sweet,how does it render itself meaningless,

In wars,love and betwixt us ?

 

Your embrace loses,hence,it’s intoxication,

smiles the silhouettes of sadness; the game,

the charade will end with one , and oh,the sublimity of it all,

Whispers transcending into sick shivers ,words vulgar in circles,

the horror is greatest when beauty corrupts itself ;

Lie and we shall never know, what aches to scream itself out,

in sobs and cold blood,in the glamour of this waste,

the feeling when hurt is the only healing,

loss the one language of consummation.

 

I warn you,though,from a place yet untouched;

Fire and love in equal measures , slaughter may be my salvation,

Circles within circles dancing to the symphony of dread ,

Water poised to burn the world down , skies turning lethal with love ,

Finding myself in your grace , losing in your hideousness is a dear whim ;

Like the essence of a candle – spent,and primed to burn again ,

brighter,stronger ,on its own ;

Stripping you of your hollowness ,showing you the ugliest entity in the mirror ;

the story of how it was,or how it shall never be ,

weakness my mightiest consort; your crippled,fair heart yours.

Sabre Tryst – I

” The priestess awaits,Your Grace”, the sentinel uttered the words as if he was at the other end of a blade about to end his life.

Prince Emmett glanced over the faces present in the council,mused for a moment and looked squarely at the guard pleading an audience for the priestess.The man turned pale and dropped his shoulders down in an endeavour of submission,a charade of appearing insignificant,which given his curvaceous and strongly built body was proving to be a difficult one.

” This is no usual protocol,my lords.I hope you will be so kind enough as to permit me to take your leave.I have not known priestess Ayna to bother people with petty womanly concerns at hours like these.” The prince declared with a look of mild annoyance,wrapped up in a restrained smile on his face.

” But this sounds exactly like a start in that regard,Your Excellency.Judging by the sights around the village and half of what we heard in whispers,Princess Alia,offshoot of the same enate humours which have shaped you and princess Ayna,has her reasons for not coming upon us before the skies turn blue again,none of which bode well for us.Unlike Ayna,who has embraced the calling of elements and has been an invaluable asset to us against her own sister,Alia is your mother’s blood gone terribly wrong – in might and vices.She knows very well that she can burn us all down to ashes and yet pretends to be on the run.The disposition warrants an immediate council…..” The plump,young man seating across the prince spoke,making sure to don a look which would convince all present that the only thing he was getting weary of was his self-satisfied carefree air and the weight of all that he knew.

” Alia is as much of a princess henceforth as you are a man to be assigned a chair in royal congress,Lord Eric.Anyone who attempts to behead a queen,my queen,when she is with child must not be allowed to remain whole and alive,let alone a princess.I don’t know what happens in your marshes,but treason is the refuge of insanity in the capitals.She is nothing but a craven to elude us thus on a chase.A shrewd,craven whore,that’s all she is.And I shall not hear anymore if fear and admiration for her is what your words reek of.Moreover,remind me what were you doing towards the council’s ends before the priestess came along- four glasses of wine would be all.Could it be that you speak only when you know that you won’t be required to explain your camouflaged naivete further ? ” The prince was visibly annoyed.This was made clear by his futile attempt to adjust the gold and blue regal insignia himself,which doubled up as the brooch for his sparkling white cloak,in stead of calling one of the slaves stationed in the chamber for errands like this.The lines of anger and irritation on his forehead,however,taking the shape of fine,light blue veinlets somehow complemented the gorgeous,dreamy face he had,and he ended up being a perfect illustration of the beauty in fire ; of the fierceness in seduction.His deep blue eyes sparkled with rage,and hence life.

Lord Eric,adjusting his chair and regaining as much of his composure he could after a moment of evident embarrassment,continued,” Forgive me my brusqueness,Your Excellency.I only meant to caution you against what it is to come.The terrains of this place are more familiar with the vicious shadows of the traitor than our men from the cities.I have known your father to be a man capable and invincible in matters of war….”

“In case you missed it,my lord,I am his son.And more than that.This is not the first battle I have commanded,nor will you be the first of the man to join the likes of my chamber helps ,if you continue to persist with your vexation —- which surely would be more befitting considering your skills for doing,well,nothing.The disposition will stick with the plans and maps I have already approved of.Now I am afraid I don’t see any point in keeping a princess,my own blood in half,without.I wish you all a remarkable night’s sleep and an even better morning of war and glory.Fare well,my lords ! ” The prince rose up and beckoned the slave nearest to him.The man rushed to him,delicately carrying his paraphernalia,consisting of courtly bedding and accessories for the prince.

The council dispersed,in mutterings and sighs,mostly of gratitude for being through with the ordeal of tolerating that unbearable heat and confusion people emanate when they gather for a common cause.

Moments later as the prince sat comfortably on his bed with a chalice of finest winter ale,the guard heralded Ayna,the true priestess and half-sister to the prince.Emmett fixed his eyes on the embodiment of grace and charm who walked in,like the winds among a field of daisies,gentle yet radiating tendrils of turbulence in its wake.

The priestess gave Emmett but one glance and they both reached an understanding of the deepest levels.He didn’t bother with his greetings,she with her apologies.In stead,she took off her hooded black cloak- in clear contrast with the colour of the family the prince was wearing,and shook her long strands of hair,blending beautifully with the night and the ambience,free.Setting one of the particularly adventurous curls straight and away from her divine visage,the priestess smiled.Emmett looked into her eyes and spoke a thousand words,experienced an equal number of sensations.Out of a corner of his eyes,busy with his wine,he returned her smile.

“Some ambrosia you have got your hands on,I would reckon,Emmett,which distracts you thus in the face of a war and a priestess of the elements far more dangerous.” Ayna said the words out loud slowly,caressing them,making them mirror the octaves from the bells of an ancient monastery on some abandoned hillock.

“No such need would ever arise,my blood and mentor.The Gods speak to me through you,their spirit shining and spilling through your beauty and sharpness.Ambrosia can only taste so much better when you have known and desired far more exquisite entities.” Emmett signalled the slave waiting in the shadows to bring another cup for the priestess.

“Desire is a queer emotion,Your Excellency.It takes you to a place which doesn’t exist when you are with your senses,traps you there with pretend promises and devours you slowly as it takes a deathly shape out of your own core.If you don’t think you can master it,it most certainly will sound the clarion first.You would be wise to stay beyond the reaches of fancies which excite you the most.Look where my sister ended up when she had illusions about being in control of her desires.”

“Your sister has always been a weakling,doing things on the sly.She continues to slay her demons in the same fashion,running and hiding if she can’t.You would not want to equate her stupidity with my case,would you Ayna ? ” The prince glanced at her,with the slightest hint of hesitation,of the need of approval swirling in his eyes.

“Never indeed.”,said Ayna as she took the wine from the slave kneeling before her.A careless,bold draft shook the silk flap at the enrance,flirting heartily  with it and an involuntary shiver went down her spine.She saw her sisters clearly and imagined them saying things if they were ever to know about the bond she had allowed the fashioning of with this puppet of a prince who by some sad rape of the stars was their half-brother.

“If our prince were told that he could gain the reverence of the commons by sleeping with men,he would be the only man whore in the history of Euolia,spurting royal blood out of his holes every night.And even then he would not be paid for the cocks he will take in,I am sure.His desperation to prove himself a man,distinct from the crown given to him by his deranged father is the only reason he will never accomplish that.Or anything.” Alia had said,biting into a particularly juicy apple,seemingly sucking the malice out of it into her words.The three sisters had gathered in Alana’s chamber as the sun was setting outside to sign the accord.

“If that really is the case,I fail to understand why we have to take his life.He will forfeit it very soon on his own,I would believe.His military expeditions……”,Ayna was trying to say when she was interjected by Alana,the eldest one.

“You amuse me sometimes,Ayna,you truly do.”,Alana took out the gold sabre from the scabbard hanging on the central wall as she walked to Ayna,the blood red tunic and cloak on her slender,comely body making her look like a lethal amalgamation of Artemis and Aphrodite.” This is not one of those times.Frankly,I am getting tired of making up euphemisms for your imbecility.You are the youngest among us and I have considered that fairly.Your refusal to grow up,however,even when everything is at stake is no longer just a mild annoyance.Would you rather have this half-tainted pig take up our kingdom,and then us as we wait for him to kill himself ? I already warned Alia against making you a part of this.Even if he fucks you and hands over the royal key to you himself,you will be too busy looking for love or some such shit in his eyes to send him to the gardens of eternity.Explain to me,Alia,why do we have to teach as well while we aim at the most daring feat of our lives ?”

Ayna sighed as she got back to her senses.Let Alana be quick and brutal with her tongue,but she shall see the might of a true priestess.When we signed the tryst to get the key to the throne and kill Emmett,they treated it as some sort of an inside jibe at my youth and temperament,my religion and my tender hands.Where are they now ? Alia in hiding and Alana in charge of the queen they tried to kill ? And here I am -as close to the prince as anyone could be.Soon to share him and the key- my only chance at true cognizance and salvation, afterwards.Let this moment be the harbinger of all the changes that are coming to the realm.

“You seem lost in forebodings,priestess.” Emmett’s deep,intoxicatingly drunk voice broke her chain of thoughts.

“No.I am here to make a request,on the contrary.” Ayna put the half-empty chalice away.This was the signal for the slaves who bowed silently and went outside after collecting the vessels.

“What is that our priestess has to ask for ? Nothing would make me more happy than to grant you the same rarity. ” Emmett smiled through the words.

“You.”,said Ayna as she went to the window looking at the moon shrouded in rain-clouds.”We both know how long the wait has been.Before you go and meet Alia on a bet of death tomorrow,I need to have you.A souvenir- to remember the forbidden flesh I so wantonly desire ; a mark of my claim on you ; a caution in case I do not continue to be in a position to touch you again.The night is too cold and dreadful for my comfort and my love for you has awakened to its fullest glory in me.Let your mentor take over the role of a consort for this night,and nights which remain.”

Prince Emmett rose from the warm,velvety Egyptian bed and slowly walked over to Ayna.”Your motivations to aid and guide me in the hunt for your sister were not entirely altruistic then,I reckon.Don’t your elements have anything to say on this anomaly of righteousness ? ”

“My religion comes through my being,my desires,prince and not the other way around.How can I ever claim to be a priestess true to my heart and soul,if I am not mindful of my own heart ? “Ayna said,without looking back at Emmett who stood right behind her.

” I remember someone telling me about being careful with desires this evening,princess.” Emmett grinned as he stepped closer to her.

“She was your mentor.This is just me,you callous brute !! ” Ayna said as she turned back,only to find unable to move because of the big,strong arms closing around her.Her eyes shone like those of a cat about to jump at the chunk of meat in front of her,and a nervous laugh escaped her lips as she missed a heartbeat or two.

” Yes,you,my deity of enchantment- a princess who shares my blood through her mother.” Emmett whispered gruff,warm words into her ear,while his hand touched and snaked daintily on hers,almost as if in pain.”I am sure the Gods would have something to say on that.And I can’t believe I dismissed a congress meet for this.”

“Oh,you wanted this more than I did and we both know that.” Ayna,struggled to walk away from the window.”Do not forget my calling,prince Emmett,I talk to the elements ; I talk to the Gods you worry about ; I know the world -sometimes even before it knows itself.Passion,moreover,is the easiest language to decipher.”

“One which you seem to be quite an expert at,princess ! ” Emmett muttered as he pinned her hands to the wall and held her so closely that he could barely breathe himself and know it from her exhalation.

Raw passion oozing out of their bodies smelled strongly in the musky,little drops of sweat pouring out of them,draining slowly across their necks,even though it was a cold night full of dark clouds.Ayna opened her mouth to say something,but the prince was quick.And hungry.He caught her lips with his own urgently,desperately.As his lips touched and nibbled on hers,the priestess moaned,trying vigorously to set her hands free.She could not.He devoured her through her lips,tasting the highest state of orgasm one could reach,savouring the first few tender,uncertain moments.A warm,fluid stream of sensation connected the two bodies-burning at places,inducing shivers at others.

Pausing to catch his breath,he smiled at her in a roguish manner and then immediately brought his face down upon hers.This time,their noses brushed lightly as his stubble grazed on her tender,burning face.

” I need you” His words,as he spoke while being this close to her,were more of painful,warm punctuated sensations in stead of the caress she had expected them to be.But would she not slaughter a hundred men if this pain were to be taken away from her ?

She used his momentary distraction to get one of his hands out of his.Gasping and smiling between her animalistic pushes,she made a dash for his nether regions.She caught hold of something and liked it immediately.His manhood had fully grown to attention.The friction through the fine clothing and her hands while he was already lost in similar sensations made him wince.This pleased her beyond anything.She grabbed the entire length,or the best of what she could,in her hands and gave it a squeeze.He moaned like an animal in heat.She smiled and started stroking him slowly,relishing the hold she had on his pleasure.

Leisurely,she increased her rhythm,looking intently at his eyes wide shut.Emmett felt the seduction even with his eyes closed,taking as much as he could,holding onto her to keep himself from falling down to the ground.And then the dam burst.He opened his eyes,cupped her face with his hands brutally and kissed her.Hard and deep.She felt the intense intrusion of his tongue,stroking her lips and then mouth,and continued with her movements.He devoured her,consumed her,trying to reach the deepest recesses of her body and soul even as the heat and friction in his loins did terrible,most painfully pleasurable things to him.

When the first surge of a violent excitement shook his body,he groaned again,whispering her name.Hastily,he pushed her hand away from his erection, lifted her one leg pushing her garb up,and then took her off the ground in his sweaty,able arms-shuddering and convulsing with raw impulses of pleasure.

He carried her to the soft,warm bed and dropped her gently onto it,creating ripples on the sheet lining it.With one quick motion,he took his cloak off,leaving his bare body underneath open and inviting to the woman in front of her.Ayna saw the fine lines of perfection making up his muscled,meaty torso and tried to reach out ; to touch,to caress,to absorb.He stopped her.Reaching closer to her,he took hold of the knot holding her garb on her curves and untied it.She gasped,which made him smile.An instant later,she was lying as beautifully naked as he was – two bodies,demonstrating the absolute existence of beauty and passion.

Emmett looked at her for a while soaking all that in,and then went down to her legs.When his tongue first touched her heat,she shuddered and grabbed the bed-sheet for support,futilely.The warm,wet tongue of the handsome prince she had always loved was touching her core,making love to it,making her forget that she had a more desperate task at her hand.This moment of weakness,this vulnerability almost came to her like a long lost friend.Yes,she had always loved this man and would have done anything,owed anything to heaven or hell to have him like this.But what then ? After meeting her thus once,of what use this confused wreck of insecurities would be to her ? No,he will only make her seem weaker in front of her sisters,more susceptible.The course of love runs only this far apparently,she thought hesitatingly.

After her fleeting moment of distraction,she came back to her senses to an overpowering orgasmic feeling.Emmett had increased his momentum and cadence,and his tongue was flirting with the most sensitive areas of her sex.She fixed her eyes at the handsome face doing this to her and shoved it into her increasingly wet folds,almost with an impetus of one whose life depended on it.Emmett complied,eating her intoxicating being even more hungrily.

And then as she drew nearer to her orgasm,he went into a frenzy,licking and penetrating her nether lips.When her first orgasm hit her,she screamed,scratching his face and neck,taking him even deeper.

He waited for her tremors of ecstasy to stabilise and then lowered himself on her,kissing her gently,lovingly.She laughed and kissed him back.

And then he intertwined her fingers with his,adjusting his position.Freeing his hands,he steadied himself with one and guided his member to her mound with another.A nod and a gaze transpired and he gave his veined hardness a quick thrust.With a faint sound and a subdued cry of pain from Ayna,he was inside her.He allowed her a moment to get used to the pain,himself to the intense pleasure.When she opened her eyes after a pause and reassured him with a nod,he slowly pushed his maleness deeper.She joined him in the movement taking him in by arching her luscious hips.The warmth and tightness inside her drove him insane,and he withdrew his organ quickly to thrust again,aggressively,impatiently.

The moments which followed cut the two regal scions off from the outside world,their blood and being becoming one and the same.Drenched in sweat,smelling of the wildest passion and desires on the planet,Emmett continued his angry thrusting,making the bed rattle and groan.The chamber smelled of the two bodies and the fire between them,punctuated by the moans and the battering which was setting the cold night on fire,like melting glass pouring through a strong current of water.

It was getting difficult for Ayna to concentrate.Amidst the sensations overpowering her,she tried to reach for his his robes for the key.Or hers for something else.

“Let me be a part of your deepest passions,of the secrets and soul which are rightfully mine.I want to see through what you are and make love to all of you.” Emmett’s lust and desperation for her spoke out in coarse whisperings as he continued his pounding.

“That which is mine,is truly yours,m’lord,including the songs which my blood sings.”She held onto him more fiercely,drawing and tasting intoxicatingly masculine fire in her nails,rummaging her robe with the other hand for the dagger she had brought along.

“Strange because blood has been known to be a tricky consort at its best.” He gasped and took her by a force so strong she lost her grip on the dagger she had just found.His feverish,shaky breathing signalled his approaching orgasm.

And the next moment,another one was at her throat.She flinched at the cold and dread which took her by surprise.

Emmett’s expressions traded colours like wildfire.Firmly holding the dagger at her throat,he barked ,” You stupid harlot,you really thought you had me as a plaything,isn’t it so ? You can fool yourself into believing whatever you want through your dreams and visions,but not the likes of me,scheming bitch ! I knew all along that you would never take me capable of doing anything,especially against your sisters.Your allegiance,like your cunt,is way too slippery.The moment you asked me to fuck you without any assurance of love,your game was clear to me.Way too much desperation,way too much loyalty.This would be for that.” He grazed her neck with the dagger,drawing a fine trickle of blood.”And the fucking I am allowing you is your last privilege for sharing my blood.Remember to thank me for it when your head adorns my chamber in a glass jar.”

Beneath him Ayna struggled wildly,anxiously to get free as he continued to grind her with his engorged manhood.She realized with a dread that they both were reaching their orgasms,which would be the death of her.A single tear rolled down her cheeks,mingling with his sweat on her face.What a waste ! This was her only thought as his organ enlarged and hardened further within her and started spurting his warm,tingly seed inside her.

After he had spent himself,Emmett smiled wantonly,placing the dagger at a closer angle to the veins in her neck.She tried to speak,but he shut her up by a cruel smack across her lips.He tried to lower himself on her again,almost as if to kiss her and Ayna closed her eyes.So this is how it ends,she thought.At least Alana would be able to say I told you so !

And the wind rippled around her,the blade swishing in a single arc.A savage spasm of blood covered her.

Ayna opened her eyes to Alana standing in front of the bed with her sabre in her bloody hands.”You half-witted epitome of incompetence !! ” Alana said and turned back.

“Put her in chains,the finest ones, and bring her to face her death tomorrow.But before that,clean this messy abomination which was our prince and lord off this place.”She signalled to the horde of soldiers who had stormed into the chamber and went out.

Symphony of Love………….In Under 20 minutes

7 : 30 pm.

The sight of the shimmering lights and smoke across the muggy city,as tired as him after a day’s work,made him wince.He sighed,adjusted his posture and asked himself to smile to shake the fatigue off himself.The lady sitting next to her gave her a curious look,tinged with intrigue and smugness,as if smoking an ultra mild cigarette made her an irresistible Goddess from some alternate dimension.He ignored her,which,given her unsightly and nauseatingly gaudy appearance,was quite an easy endeavour.

An angry red gash across the sky flashed at a distance,illuminating the stoic realm of concrete in all its nakedness.No rains for him tonight,however.He could tell this simply by looking at the clouds.He wasn’t complaining though.Kindness,these days,made him uneasy.The feeling of being comfortably numb never seemed like such an enticing,cozy nest to him before.He took out his thought journal from his briefcase – empty.Symbolism is such a bitch sometimes,he mused.

Earlier when he used to look at people,they meant a billion different stories to him.Stories,which he wanted to tell at some point,or to be a part of.Now they were mere objects of annoyance to him,telling him that in the game of his own life,he has somehow slipped into the character of a pawn,and to his own horror has started liking it.When he had read The Catcher in the Rye for the first time,he hated the whiny,eternally frustrated protagonist Holden in spite of the beautiful arc of the “fallen” and the “catcher” which revolved around his debatable maturation through the length of the novel.He wasn’t just that sure anymore.Weakness is not a choice,but an inevitable lesson for everyone.His time for being a protege was right there and then- he might as well give himself to it,shouldn’t he,he found himself asking the question.

That worried him.Getting too close to his real feelings had become a daunting prospect for him.He quickly fished out his Blackberry and logged in to his facebook account.Simultaneously he checked his call/text log in the notification area.

7 notifications.The addict in him got his reward for not checking his phone every five minutes.He smiled inwardly,and scrolled through the list of the notifications.

6 : 05 pm. Text message from Kanika.

He won’t talk to me,Mayank.All I wanted was to give him his portrait i got painted last week.Strangely,I don’t feel anything else.It’s like a neat,check-mark to our story-we are done.

Also,i wont be coming to the theatre for rest of the week.Please convey the same to Baasu Da.For some reason his number is unreachable.

‘So.it’s over.Aarav is not coming back.If only this girl could separate her roles on stage from her life ! If only she could love reality as much as she loves herself !! If only she knew where to draw the line,to stop her life as an actor from taking over her entire being ! Aarav was the best man she would ever get,the only one who saw how incapable she was of experiencing real emotions,of living a life which was truly hers  –   and still loved her.God,why couldnt she cry when he came to say goodbye ? ” He reflected,vigorously shaking his head.This made the lady stare at him again,this time with obvious disdain.

The bus had reached his stop by then.He started getting out of his seat,but paused for a while and looked squarely at the lady.

” You guys get reservations in public transport,don’t you ? Why ? So that you can burn the buses down all the while reading that it’s forbidden to smoke in here ? And whom are you doing a favour by gulping this toxic fire down your lungs ?”

The lady,visibly scandalisedand shocked,choked on the smoke.Before she could blurt out something as vitriolic as her facial expression,she started shaking with a coughing fit.And rage.

Mayank got out out of the bus leaving her caught in the tendrils of the smoke around her.He began to cross the road,checking his phone again.

Screeeeeechhhhhhh……!!! An autorickshaw stopped inches away from him.The driver gave him an angry look,as if complaining about the fact that Mayank was still alive after rankling him with his obtuse recklessness.He neither had the energy nor the will to bother with another confrontation,hence he returned the driver’s look with an indifferent one and moved on to the other side of the road,pretending to be engrossed in something urgent on his phone .

6 : 15 pm. Missed call from Nayan.

‘She called ? Why ? Did she need anything? Has she sensed something ?’ He wondered.A rush of seething memories came upon him unawares.A dream…..she was there.He was touching her……..drowning in her breath.And then that one touch when she was buttoning his shirt because Natasha was in the bathroom.That felt wrong,but exciting first.But he never did or could act……he knew…he shouldn’t even be thinking about it.He did feel that way though,to be sure and exactly when he stooped that low he could not recall.That was just once,he consoled himself,desperate to rationalize what he had felt.He quickly tapped the next notification and it opened as a text message.

6 : 17 pm. Text message from Archna.

You have to talk to Natasha.She has gone way too far.It has been three months and she refuses to do anything about her job.They have already sent three letters,the next one would positively be a dismissal note if this goes on.She has lost interest in herself,Mayank.The other day I noticed her wearing the same gown for four days and I pointed it out to her.She just smiled at me absent-mindedly and went on with whatever she was doing.It’s almost likes she is treating Aniruddh’s illness as the badge of her ultimate failure.You remember how protective you were about Nayan when Natasha had just come into your life ? And this is Aniruddha we are talking about,the only living soul she loves more than you.Do something before her self-loathing and low self-esteem take her as well as Aniruddha down.For Christ’s sake,the child is barely 11 months old !! Talk to her and then get back to me.I will be waiting.

‘Wretched woman ! She thinks that she loves her sister more than I love my wife !!’ This annoyed Mayank until the truth dawned on him.He had been neglecting Natasha.Whe was the last time he made love to her or held her in his arms like he used to ? He saw her fall deeper and deeper into the abyss of depression Aniruddha’s malady meant for her and chose to ignore her.Heck,that must not have been personal though.He had been ignoring himself,to begin with.But he was in love with Natasha once,wasn’t he ? Truly.Madly.Deeply.He had turned into half a person after the death of his first wife.He quit  his job as a lecturer and joined a local theatre exactly five months after Meher died.Natasha walked out on her husband to marry him a year later.Now the two one-legged people were trying to walk together and failing miserably at that.The taste was more bitter because when they were falling in love they had forgotten that they were with the disability before they came to each other – now the only comfort left to them was blame.And resentment.An easy game this one,thought Mayank.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds,standing under the flyover from where he was to board a taxi.A gentle,cool wind had started blowing as the evening gracefully handed over the reins to a serene moonlight.He opened his eyes once he felt a bit better.

6 : 20 pm. Text message from Shaurya.

Where the hell are you ? Tried calling you twice.Romit called me after you left.He says………he won’t be getting back.That he can only think of his life without me now !! How could he do that to me ? How could he deny me the right to hold his hand,to love him,to walk him out of this tragedy ? Should the end of one life spell the same for all other relationships ? And then he hangs up by saying that he loves me ! Fuck his love ! I want him,and not these bloody words !!Call me back when you see this.

He scrolled down further to read the next one.

6 : 25 pm. Text message from Romit.

Mayank,I want you to do me a favour.Please explain to Shaurya why I can never make it back to the city and help him forget me.You are the only one close enough to him to do that.You will never know the horror,the surreality of listening to your father’s last words as everyone in the family looks at you with a disconsolate helplessness(and I truly wish that you never do).He never was the father I wanted him to be but only because it was really difficult for him to accept that I would never be the man he wanted me to be.The love I always craved from him awaits me in the form of the family he has left me to look after.I can not lose that love again.Yes,I am a craven,a spineless creature weighing and comparing Shaurya’s love against my family’s.And here I am.Lost.Defeated.Shattered.I have chosen my family because Shaurya will still be loved without me there.You will assure me on that count,won’t you ? Tell him that I have loved him like he was the only one I ever knew,and that is how it always will be.

A strange fancy took him in its hold as he finished reading the text and he started smiling.Without flicking through the rest of the notifications,he locked his phone and put it into his pocket.Drawing three big cross marks in his head,he shook his head.’This ends here’,he muttered to himself.Love doesn’t have to be this difficult,nor happiness this painful.

He walked over to the nearest taxi and asked the driver if he would take him to Orion shopping mall.As he was negotiating the fare,a small girl grabbed hold of his shirt asking for loose change.For the first time in his life,Mayank found that gesture cute.He turned to the girl,sporting a huge grin and lovingly ruffled her hair.The girl,slightly abashed,started giggling sweetly.He gave her a five rupee coin and got into the taxi.The girl kept waving at the taxi until it swerved around a corner and disappeared into the huge sea of callous,cold traffic lost in its own rage and rush.

After a minute,he texted the director of the theatre he worked at,telling him that Kanika won’t be coming for the rest of the week and he for the rest of his life.He could barely stop himself from breaking into guffaws as he imagined the look on the poor guy’s face when he would read the text.May be this was worth it for that alone.He had to call Natasha before he reached the mall though.He dialled her number and soon found himself humming along with the caller tune…

Zindagi do pal ki………..

Zindagi do pal ki………..

Intezaar kab tak ham karenge bhalaa….

Tumhe pyaar kab tak na karenge bhalaa……

ADDENDUM : There is beauty,only beauty,and nothing else.Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.And yet the best part of beauty is that which no picture can expresss.Walking in rains,falling in love,winning a dart game ,getting cozy around a January bonfire – that’s all there is.Embrace life,kiss passionately and pick up your moments of awesomeness !! La vie est une célébration !!

#1 High-fiving babies

#2 Finally getting that annoying bit of popcorn out of your teeth

# 3 When someone lands on a hotel you just built in monopoly

#4  Fixing electronics by smacking them

#5  Bakery air in early spring

#6  The final seconds of untangling a really complicated knot

#7  The friendly nod between strangers out doing the same thing

#8  Old folks who sit on their porch and wave at you when you walk by

#9  Staring at deep,calm water

#10 Getting the eyelash out of your eye

# 11 When you arrive at your destination just as a great song ends on the radio/music player

#12  Talking about how much the meal you are having at home would cost in a restaurant

#13 The feeling when the love of your life arranges a surprise for you after a fight

#14  Lying in bed and listening to the sound of rain from inside the tent

#15 Catching somebody singing in their car and sharing a laugh with them

#16 When you manage to squeeze out enough toothpaste for one last brush

#17 When you hear someone’s smile over the phone

#18 Remembering what movie that guy is from

#19 A hug from someone who always makes things right for you

#20 Crying freely

Silhouette

Subrato

 

When the first drop of the drizzle hit Subrato,he almost couldn’t feel it.His thoughts were muddled up and hazy like the eddies swirling and crossing each other in the deep,dark waters of River Hooghly flowing and extending endlessly in front of him.If only he knew how to understand the language the river spoke or why he wanted it to speak to him,may be the empty,crushing feeling in his stomach would go away.The river had always been his escape,his last refuge from reality ; sometimes from himself.Through all the fourty winters he had seen or an equal number of autumns he had hated religiously,this river was the single most stable element of constancy,of sanity.It never stopped enchanting him by its mundane manoeuvres like its gushing,bickering passage through the overgrown mangroves and algae along the eastern bank or the submergence of all the surrounding fields and Chaurs when the monsoons would come rushing down with the vigour of a child at his favourite game and wash away what had been another year of memories,lives and stories.The earthy aroma emanating from the shores when summer was about to kiss the land or the miniature paper dingies which the kids would put down the flow with heavenly smiles and surreal glow on their rain-drenched faces did something to Subrato.They made him feel alive,and like a crucial link in the grand scheme of things,a part of all that existed and all that would.The heat from the hand-charki or the aarti flowing back on his face during Kali Pujo and the reflection of million such lights in the river was a memory which never faded in his mind,neither did the Ooli,the chants,the Gulal and the bitter sweet ambience on the day of Bisorjan after the Durga Pujo.

And then that one Pujo night which changed who he was and how he saw the world or bizarrely,the other way around.As he sat down on one of the steps leading down to the agitated river,he closed his eyes.A cold,oddly familiar gust of wind whipped the rain against his face and reminded him of the absurdity of asking her to meet him here in the first place.He wasn’t exactly getting any younger and the river was not going to do what he had to anyway.The cold rain,the stinging wind and the ache within him were too much for a man his age.Or may be he just didn’t have it in him anymore.But if there was one thing in him which was a fossil of his former self,it was his perseverance.Misplaced stubbornness,his heart pointed out.Say something for Subrato,say he never wavered from going for what he wanted and believed in.Even as the elder son of a family without a father or the brother to a sister whose dreams were larger than all their lives,he never gave up for a minute of his austere existence.But sway he did,after all.

In retrospect,Subrato would mostly blame it on her eyes.Sadly,a fact that meant that she was only her ocean blue eyes to him because even after all his futile and excruciatingly taxing tries,he could not and did not see her as someone mortal,someone like him or Shamoli,or Maa.But if she were one,wouldn’t she be here now in his arms; her tender touches benumbing his face to the sensation of the raindrops ? He could remember the exact degree of glimmer in her eyes when she had first blurted out someting about his detached beauty,a charm that was not to be touched when he was teaching Shamoli how to fly kites just so that he could observe her closely.That was the closest they got,until that night of the Bisorjan.Subrato tasted bile in his throat as he recalled the gloom and sourness which had shadowed his being that wretched night- Shamoli had openly called him a failure,a pathetic sorry figure who was just trying to make all their lives miserable because he had none of his own left.Worse still,Maa had kept mum all along.So,basically,all his life devoted to his family was the only source of their misery.Fair enough ! Rage and shattered pieces of his identity and purpose were keeping him restless and in an agony which he had only felt at the demise of his father or his subsequent dropping out from his college.Never in his worst nightmares had he seen that or this night coming to him.And then he saw what he thought was his only hope of sanity and survival – She had come down to ask if he had had his dinner or not as Maa and Shamoli were out for the Bisorjan.Like a soul demented and tortured for eternities,he ran for his escape.And in a flash,pinned her down on his bed.She was flabbergasted,raw fear,disgust and confusion replacing each other on her face in a dance of harmony.

He never got to the rage in her eyes or her bewildered,pleading screams because he could not,did not look at her eyes.That would have made it impossible.In some alternate version of reality,he saw her coming to him and meeting his animalistic and ardent cravings to perfection.As he lowered his body on hers,and she hit him with the lampshade for his bed,his eyes met her eyes.The pain,the trauma,the madness in there was haunting and he wanted to end it.He wanted to take her in his strong,able arms and comfort her ; to tell her that it would be okay.But that was not to be- he was gone far beyond that.She was struggling underneath him with diminishing strength but exponentially increasing hate and energy.He did not want that from her- he was there to give her all the love he could and to have someone who would actually need and love him back precisely like he wanted.As the chants outside increased in intensity and frenzy,his entire being was overtaken by the desire to possess her,to have her right there and then.So he continued until she was drained of all her resolve and strength,and he of his fury and rage like that of a serpent.And minutes later as he looked at her torn and traumatised body,he felt the demons of that irresistible anger returning to him,like stones projected into a wasp’s nest.Totally at his wit’s end,afterwards he took her outside in his arms and cried for help.Then came the sobbing and shaking,until he fell down beside her,dizzy and nauseous.

Subrato was feeling sick again,exactly as he did that night.Sick to the core and overwhelmed by a searing sense of hopelessness.Was she even coming ?

 

 

Zara

 

Zara did a twirl ,hugged the mulberry tree she had come to know like her own self and made a dash for the door,crushing the particularly juicy mulberries fallen down from the tree.A tangy,fruity smell wafting on the gentle breeze punctuated the serene and vaguely nostalgic silence pervading her being.

“Naaz ! Khaala !! Sam !! Sammie !! ” She knocked the door relentlessly until she could hear Naaz shouting back in her cranky,shrill and simultaneously cute voice.She allowed herself a grin before Naaz came down and opened the door.

” Where is Khaala Jaan ? Are my bags ready ? Did Kabir call ? And,why,for the love of all that is serene,are you dressed in my Kurti ??” , Zara rushed through shooting the queries as she grabbed a glass from the dining table and filled it with water.

Naaz made a face.” There’s no more Rooh-Afzah in the bottle.And I took the Kurti because you still owe me my five takas,not that anyone as fat as you should care about it.Also,don’t you ever presume that i am sitting here to answer your silly questions,unless you have a mind to pay me double of what you are to.”

“Sweetheart,that’s exactly what you are doing- sitting here and answering my questions”, Zara winked at her half-sister.”And we both know that this is the highlight of your otherwise boring,cramped days.So you might as well drop the pretence of hating it.”

” You are more of a dumbster than i thought,Zapa,and of course i hate you and your stupid questions.And your stupid trip.” Naaz retorted but hung her head down.

“Aww….my princess is sad because i am going away for a while ? C’mon,tsk tsk bachche,i will be back before you know it and the next time it happens,you will come with me.” Zara smiled.

” Oooh,like i care ! “, Naaz rolled her eyes,now rummaging through Zara’s purse for loose change or candies.

” I know you don’t,madame.So come on here and run this errand for me,or for the combo coupons for Kareem’s somebody will get and cares deeply about”, Zara took out a book from her bookshelf and handed it to Naaz.” Go and give it to Azaan Bhaijaan.And tell him that i will be back for the rehearsals from the next week.Take care not to die on the way or to drop the book.Neither is interesting enough,take my word on that.”

” Why ? Gone..with…the….”,Naaz was trying to read the name of the book aloud when she stumbled upon a nailclipper tucked neatly between two median pages.” Zapa ! You forgot your clipper in the book.”

Zara turned back from her shelf and smiled again ” No,I didn’t.Now go !! ”

When Naaz was gone after giving her a weird look like she was more insane than her sister gave her credit for,Zara closed her eyes and tried to visualize the disarming cuteness on Azaan’s face when he came down to her in the middle of the rehearsals for Shylock : The other side of Venice, asking her if she could clip his nails.On being probed,he blushed and admitted that it was his Ammi who still clipped his nails at home.Zara had a hard time trying not to smile for hours afterwards at this adorable facet of his personality which he kept concealed beneath his handsome,rugged face and rough,isolated exterior.It was actually funny to see him writing the fabulous,deep-meaning scripts and helping the actors in acting their parts out but running away on the very suggestion of being a part of the act himself.Zara was the only person he opened himself to or at least that’s how she liked to think it was.And if she was right about her speculations,Zara had to do her part in making him say what both of them wanted him to say.But that could wait,she reminded herself ! She had to be at the railway station by 8.And that was when she got the panic attack about packing and leaving which she was waiting for since morning,making her run to look out for Tamreen Khaala.

 

*  *  *       *  *  *

Zara was always wary of these little crafty and sinister looking boats dotting the immense,endless expanse of River Hooghly ever since she was a child.All the physics and logic put apart,why do these heavy,dilapidated and oddly shaped blocks of wood even float on water ? What if they suddenly refused to follow the rules and decided to go down the mind-boggling depths of the river just to see what it is like inside ? Can they do that ? And what is it really like inside,beneath this facade of an infinite watery wall ? Trying to picturize the answers gave her goosebumps even as she took her first step forward to get on the boat and she had to chide herself mentally to stop doing that.Once she had settled down she tried to divert her thoughts and let the mental blockage of  a different part of her brain go down. The countless hide and seek games she had played during the long-drawn and lazy summer evenings,running,hiding and seeking across the entire Basu Lane; the guffaws and giggles,and the furious screams on her part which ensued when one of the aunties gave her hiding place away to the “it” in the game ;  the sweet and heavenly Malpuas which Bannerji Da got especially prepared for her on Sundays,the mirth and bliss in the street when Durga Puja came along and Maasi maa would come down with Shamoli Di to invite them for the celebrations; the fishing trips she and her classmates undertook after bunking their half-day classes on Saturdays,the fierce yet friendly feuds which commenced when the children came out with and compared their Idees on the sun-kissed days of Id, and the colourful kite-flying contests on the first day of the new year where she did nothing but shout and hoot for others but was thrilled to the core nevertheless……so many years,so many faces,so many colours……and the sadness which eclipsed all of them when she had to leave the only world she belonged to and go to Dhaka.Zara sighed and shifted in her seat as the raindrops started to make the river shimmer and glisten.

 

…………………………………………………..

 

 

 

Subrato could see the boat from a distance through the mist of the torrent and uncertainty,and found himself restless as the bow touched and backed off a bit from the bank.He almost ran down the steps,or at least ran as fast as his age and grace would permit.When the tall,shapely and majorly soaking girl got out of the boat,all smiles and beauty in the moonlight,he knew it was all worth it.

Zara stood a few steps away from him for seconds,observing him closely and then ran for a hug.

He embraced her with open arms and heart and warmth he never had for his own self.A hug is all it takes then,to be alive ; to be human again,however transiently,he pondered.

” Aye ki, Dada ? Why did you have to age for both of us ? ” Zara chuckled.

” Bas bas,haan, tumi nijeke bodlate okkhom ! Ask anyone in the Basu Lane and they will tell you who is fit enough to play the mother to me or Maa even !” Subrato gave her a gentle pat on the back.” And how did you cover the entire stretch of your journey on this Dhingy without jumping into the river or stabbing the manjhi ?”

” I have grown up,over and beyond your shoulder and imagination,Dada.”

” Well,i guess that explains these thirty or so knots in your stole,which i must point out,you work on only when you are studying or something and NOT nervous ! ” Subrato felt a vaguely familiar sensation rushing through his face.Was it a smile ?

” I would have said that the jibe was funny if only it were not a) targetted at me and,b) made while i stand in the rain,welcoming cold and fever like i am to meet them after ages as well !” Zara took hold of his hand and dragged him along.” Will we get an auto on the road ? How are the people at home ? Maasi Maa ? Shamoli Di ? Hori Da ? ”

 

 

* * *    * * *

Next morning,when Subrato went to her room to give Zara tea and breakfast,it was raining again.He hesitated and lingered.Finally,he sat down on the bed near her as she was trying to drive the final vestiges of sleep away from her eyes,sipping the tea contentedly.

” Zara ,let me ask you something straight away.Do you really know why are you here ?” He asked her pointedly after a minute or two of absolute calm.

“It’s about my fees and scholarships,isnt it ? Now that my graduation is almost done,i won’t be getting any of them from you.” She was slightly surprised at the dummy question.

” Actually,I’m afraid it’s more than that.” Subrato mustered all the courage he could and looked straight into her exactly same blue eyes.” Zara,you do know what these people say about me and your Ammi,don’t you?”

Zara held her breath and waited,suddenly tense and uncomfortable in the small,moribund room.

” Ambiguous morality is a slippery slope,Bachche.And no one can attest to the validity of that more than me.No matter how base a crime or people’s perception of it is,one can always justify it at the end of the day.That’s how humanity survives and evolves.They will condemn what they can’t or need not do,but will slay their own kind and morality the moment they see the slightest sign of the act serving any purpose for them.And then they have their own system of comparing and rating crimes and punishments as if the reins of reality and righteousness have been bestowed unto them because they are in a time-warp where they have never fallen themselves.Our follies and instincts,however,unlike people,are not biased.To say,a rain of fire-and-brimstone falls alike on the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter.” Subrato was gazing outside the window,in an increasingly obvious attempt to make them both less ill at ease.

” They teach you to shoot for the stars,but will rip your heart out the instant they know that the stars in question lie beyond the frame of the social convention and decree.I never denied what transpired between your Ammi and me,but to you.For you.Through all these years of my miserable existence,i have clinged onto that single,painfully fragile thread of hope that Aafreen would have forgiven me someday and that i would be half the father i wanted to be to you.God knows i do not claim myself victim of the accusation and guilt which is my life now.I chose that path willingly and they are but the shadows of the temptation i consorted with.But if there’s one explanation i want you to understand it would be love.Love that,as far as i see,never fell from its grace,before and after.I never stopped loving her,and i refuse to give one moment of weakness the power to do that to me.I can not let that happen ; that would be the death of me.And i don’t want to leave you alone and bitter in the world.The humiliating,onerous ordeal which has been the last nine years of your life have taught you to hide everything behind your smile,and that’s the worse i could have done to my daughter.I can not let that be.” , He turned his gaze to Zara,who had suddenly developed an acute interest in the concentric circles drawn on the bed-sheet,with a lost,intense expression on her face, a single teardrop punctuating it.

He continued,” These people whom you call family and who think they really have got your best interests at heart did not think twice before talking in whispers what could have torn you apart,and in fact making sure you came across those whispers every now and then.Tell me Zara,do you really feel at home there when these people treat you like a freak,broken deity or call your father a rapist behind his back ? Does Mohseen even know the colour of his step-daughter’s eyes or hair ? Don’t you feel like you are always treading the edge of a sword,which might trip on the slightest provocation and take you down with it ?”

Zara did not answer.

” It all ends here.You will not return to Dhaka.I will arrange for your belongings to be delivered here.You are my daughter and i will have you so; in the family,where you belong.”

No answer.

Subrato got up to leave.

“I never heard Ammi say anything bad about you.And she would not have been ashamed of me,if she were alive.I can feel it,Da ! ” Zara finally looked at him.

Subrato,taken aback for a moment,composed himself,smiled and left the room.

 

 

 

 

 

Zara dropped the coin into the slot,and dialled a number. Naaz’s sullen face flashed in her mind,anxiously waiting for her call.

” The number you have dialled does not exist.Please check the number and dial again.” A modulated voice declared after a beep.

Zara looked at the keypad again.She had promised Naaz that she would be back within a week,had she not?

“Close pent-up guilts, Rive your concealing continents, and cry these dreadful summoners grace. I am a man more sinn’d against than sinning…”

Shattered

Confined within the realms of this benumbing sarcophagus,

this impalement ;

Shards of sweet desolation tearing my vitality apart,

I stand where the bolt and the waves sublime

in embodiment ;

And try to soothe my blazing psyche

with a silhouette of you

when you’re nowhere there to come through

 

 

You gleamed through a deluge on an autumn evening,in the pulsations of the waning moon

Saying silent words which

echoed to the skies and souls

And flickered in the earthy aroma of amber candles left ablaze through a placid afternoon

Healing my being,the essence of me

Humming in deserted orchids zephyrs of spree

 

 

You’re the reason i have come to this end,

this torment is mine

But i wish not this to end

I welcome no blossoms divine

Drawing and trailing a broken curve,I want this to remain as it is

Unwritten words on the azure streams,where a touch of yours hovered

Let me never be complete again,let me be yours,shattered.

Serenade

“And let the night be mine.Be there at eight.”

Nnaina read the text for the nth time,careful not to accidentally tap the reply/call tab,savouring the words written and unwritten,feelings clear and fluid and,dreams and images intended,unimplied.She knew she was going overboard for a date which was,as her best friend Shayana had put it rolling her eyes all the time,”too fickle,too soon”.But whats a girl supposed to do if the aforementioned date is “too handsome,too dreamy” as well ? Well,for one,going all topsy turvy with the rush,the ecstasy suits most of the mortals,which was exactly what she was doing.Love is a sadist bitch with all sorts of baits and hues; the choice of the lethal weapon is yours.Or so you tend to think.Going about that,crushes are two bitches and a half.You don’t know where do you exactly stand in the game,you can not see the entire picture as you don’t know the person that well,and your heart conspires with your otherwise sane mind to interpret every random sign as the one conveying soul-touching,universe-shattering love of the times.And doubly damned be the soul which starts feeding on the vagaries of the game,relishing the haunting sweetness ! But then uncertainty is the torch bearer of the human mind and evolution thereof,the elixir of all the hearts romantic and maverick.Evidently Nnaina was getting too high on the thing.This was made obvious by the chiming of the Little Red Riding Hood wallclock as she looked whimsically out of the window,singing a lovey dovey number,building all sort of imageries and chimera along the lyrics that floated around and shrouded her thrilled being.

“High as Hell !! God,its seven already and the best part of whatever make up and stuff i can use would make me,considering the time i have been left with,a chirpy raccoon !! Great look for a first date! Oh,why did i sleep till afternoon ?” She started talking to herself like she always did when she was nervous or pissed off with herself.”Oh yeah,because that stupid doctor of mine could not wait for a day to call me up and i had to switch off my cell,my TV and the lights so that i could steal a nap before what would hopefully be the best night out ever for me !! And that reminds me,i forgot to call ma.Crap !! ” As she rushed to the washroom,she made a mental note to call her mother on the way to the auto stand and get her electricity bills sorted out and paid the very next morning.

Twenty minutes later,she made a run for the nearest stand,quickly checking herself all over,and consequently adding to the number of lecherous passers-by already ogling at her.”Thank you,humanity.My faith in your penchant for beauty is restored.” She muttered under her breath,secretly enjoying the attention her blue dress coupled with the denim jacket,black boots and a right hunk of jewelry was drawing towards her.After she had hung up on her mother,making sure she was okay and pleased with the doctored list of marriage prospects Nnaina put up before her,she thought of her long gone father and what her marriage meant to him ; mostly redemption.Like someone caught in a war with themselves,she could still remember the helplessness,the temptations,the threats and seductions of the great indian arranged marriage.Thank God,the phase was over and she was done with her education as well,which at least allowed her ample time to choose her partner at her own pace and to enjoy her piece of mind as much as she wanted.However,peace had not come to her at easy terms.Her mother had been a constant worry,and a constant reminder of her father’s wishes.Her health and mood swings kept Nnaina occupied most of the times,that is after she was through with her own ceaseless reminiscences and endless dreams.Her hangouts with friends were luxury and so were the occasional interactions she had with guys whom she met online.Ayan was the latest,the handsomest and the closest to the perfect man a guy could get to.He was funny,sensible,rational,intellectual and well placed in his life and career.Most importantly,he could sing to her with equal panache in three different languages.How sexier can you get than that ?

Ayan had admitted to sharing most of her dreams and fantasies and eventually promised to make at least one of them come true the first time they would meet.The blaring horns and the buzz of the ongoing traffic made the contrast between his words ringing in her ears and the eerie realisation that they were coming true sharp.This was 15th of December,Ayan’s birthday and the night of her dream date.”Don’t you worry Princesse,nothing can get worse now.At least not as much as yourself ! It would be your night,and hence,mine.” Ayan had grinned into his phone the night before.Nnaina sneaked her head out of the rushing auto and was about to burst into a song when she realized what havoc the winds of winter must be unleashing on her precious hair and quickly ducked her head inside,drawing the inevitable “nuts” look from the driver.She chose to ignore him and called Ayan.

Half an hour and one good,lingering queer look from the auto driver later,she was in Ayan’s car heading towards the Niladri spur and the surrounding ridges.The mountains,the lovely dreamy,wintry mountains! How lucky she was to have Ayan,winter and the mountains with her this very night !! When they reached the intended place,Ayan stopped the car,smiled,got out and opened the door for her,holding it,while she struggled with picking up her dress and paraphernalia.

The first thing she noticed as Nnaina got out of the car was the moon.The sad,wan and yet enchanting moon.The legacy of days and stories gone by,the memoir of people and sagas of love to reckon with,the serene personification of nature and the beyond.Half-veiled in clouds and night,it spoke volumes and sung wordless ballads,all the while being the epitome of silence and beauty.The night gathering mist and stillness from the sepulchre of the evening,and the  trees.The trees along the ridges,mimicking some visage from a war or feast,brought alive from the annals of history.All of this masked in the ever varying shades and touches of winter she so loved.

And Ayan.Melodies,mirages and all that is exquisite.All that matters,all that hurts,all that is unreal.She looked at his beaming face and then again at the hills.Should not this be a sin somehow ? To be this happy when people back there are suffering and dying every single moment.This shouldn’t be real.Perfection is only a lighter shade of deception.She just had to look out for the flaw,and put her finger on it.But looking again at Ayan,she lost track of whatever she was thinking and shrugged her head.

“So,shall we,Princesse ? ” ,Ayan seemed to be asking her the question for quite a while,judging by the look in his deeply haunting eyes and a suppressed smile playing on his lips.

“Yeah,sure.So,what is it ? A cottage ? A Pagoda ? “, Nnaina smiled and started walking in steps with him.

” How about a combination of the two ? Kidding,its a Zupada.Or at least that’s what the natives call these huts.” ,Ayan told her.” Just wrap your shawl around.These Banjaras are not used to people from the town.The more you blend in,the gentler they would be with us.Unless,of course,you want to spend the night outdoors,which i would not suggest at this time of the year,particularly when you are alone.”

Nnaina looked daggers at him ” If you want me to shout and scream for suggesting that you might desert me for the night,forget it.I ain’t buying that crap.If you didn’t check in the mirror before heading out,Mr Nanda,let me tell you what’s written large on every bit of your face ! LOVE !! Beat that !! ”

Ayan laughed a reverberant laugh “Thank the stars above you can read that.I have been called a great many names because of the alleged inability to comprehend the word until i met you,madame.”

“Ditto here.So,is that it ? ” Nnaina stopped as she saw a cluster of huts forming a circle in front of them.

“Yeah,pretty much yes.Not so comfy-looking or what,Princesse ? Ayan took her hands in his own.

” I wasn’t expecting a Hilton anyway.I wanted to taste this way of living long since.Lets go for it ” She looked in his eyes,touching and cuddling his soul without touching.

Afterwards Nnaina watched Ayan,entranced,as he talked to the Banjaras in words and gestures which made them go all abuzz with mirth and sincere curiosity.Like a magnet inducing ripples of force in the scraps of iron in its vicinity,Ayan was joy.And warmth.A woman in a heavily embroidered Ghagra and something called kanchalli brought specially flavoured warm almond milk for both of them,asking them to join them in their festivities around the bonfire they had built for the night.When she looked around for Ayan,he was a human train with a bunch of jubilant kids hanging onto him.Smiling and crossing her fingers,she walked to the fire with the women.

Sitting across the bonfire,Nnaina and Ayan spoke to each other in words,stolen glances and deliberate,tender touches.She told him about the dreams she had since her childhood,about how she was fascinated by the beauty of fire and by the intrigue in grief,how she thought most people around her took things way too seriously without pausing to look at things which actually mean something and how she had needed an escape from herself and the sickening love of her family until he came along.He told her about how he loved it when his mother would scold him for spending too much of his time and money on her,which all movies he had watched thrice or more,why he thought girls proposing to boys would be a better idea in the dating protocol and why he still loved and re-read The Lord of The Rings.And when they sang aloud the lyrics of the song ” Hume tum se Pyar kitna……” together,Nnaina silently thanked her father for leaving her and her ma alone,immediately feeling a spasm of cold guilt surging through her.After they had their dinner in batis,daliya and saloi and a multitude of fruits and nuts amidst ethereal singing and a beautiful Lambadi dance by their hosts,they set out for a brief walk.

“So,did you like it,Princesse ? ” Ayan asked her as they walked slowly,drinking the charms of the night and the unearthly,plaintive silence.

” What ? The people ? They are angelic.I loved them.”

“You think you are very good at avoiding questions,don’t you ? We both know the answer could include something else.”

” Like ?”, Nnaina asked playfully.A moment later as she looked into his eyes,she knew it was a mistake.She could not bluff or play around while he looked at her like that.”Oh okay…..yeah….you….this..whole…whatever……”

“You know that’s not working on me,girl !” He flashed a brief smile. ” Come clean about it and we might call it a night sooner.”

Nnaina stood speechless,all her smartass comments and comebacks visibly lost in the fog of the marvel standing in front of her.

“You know Nnaina,i could have proposed to you if only i had any other possibility in my mind.In the world i am,you have already said yes a zillion times over and i don’t care how crazy that sounds but i have rejected any other variant of reality.” Ayan got down on his knees and this was the instant the drizzling started,almost completing the magical aura around the hills.” And i know its a bit too fast for anyone,but tell me i am not alone in this and that would be it.I would rather die with my dream chasing you,than nurture a world and existence which i can’t ever deem real.You feel like a part of me now,a part i didn’t even know i was missing.So,tell me Nnaina,do you allow me to get the part back to where it belongs ? Tell me if you want the moon to remember the night we became one for eternity,to make these hills testimony to what i already know deep within.Will you be mine,forever and ever ?”

A beautiful drop of tear rolled down Nnaina’s eyes as she choked on that single word.”Ye….s !!”

“Oh,what,hey….was it that cheesy ? ” Ayan teased her.

“Shut up,you wicked wicked thing !! ” Nnaina tried to make for his hair,but was caught by Ayan in mid-air.And as he lowered her to the glacial ground,their lips met,the warmth of it encompassing her body and psyche against the frosty ambience of the hills around them.In that one single kiss,Nnaina could taste aeons of love,wanting somebody and not getting enough of them,of desires and promises all the human race could ever conceive of and the taste of a place where she belonged.The rain continued to drench them outside,as the conflagration of love burned and consumed what were their individual identities hitherto,marking them one.

Nnaina could only vaguely remember how Ayan had carried her back to the Zupada assigned to them shortly afterwards,and the delicate,supernal way in which he had made love to her.It was her first and she could vouch for the fact that the feeling that came with it was the stuff magic was made up of.

Next day,dawn welcomed her sleepy self back to a world which had suddenly become the very reflection of beauty.As they bid their hasty farewells to the Banjaras and even after Ayan dropped her at her own place,Nnaina could not help but relive the night before in her mind again and again,until the images turned into words and vice-versa.

When she reached her doorstep,she saw a package lying there.It was from her doctor.”So the Bitch could not even wait for a day ? Thank God i wasn’t here the last night.”She grumbled to herself as she unlocked the door and entered her flat.Grabbing her laptop,she settled down on her couch and logged into her facebook account.After tending to the notifications,she decided to have a look at Ayan’s profile,but stopped in the middle of it,picking up the report instead.

As she read through words like “family care”,” degenerating” and “Dementia praecox”,she clicked at Ayan’s profile with the other hand.The first post on his wall read :

You were the best of what a friend can be.We will miss you.RIP.

Like. Comment. 8 Days ago.

Rage,pain and determination flashed in her hazy eyes,as she threw the laptop away and like a lunatic,looking at his only means of escape dashed to close all the windows and doors.By the time she was done with the last window,she broke down and was all sobs and muffled screams.

A month later,as the cops took the body away,a lady in the crowd gathered remarked icily ” She didnt even think of the child,did she ? “.

To Jay,With regret

(This is a letter from a sullen, morose teenager, Classandra, to her stepbrother, Jay, who dies the same night he saves her from a date rape.Jay dies of a drug overdose and Classandra could have stopped this as he locked his room’s door to her face afterwards.However, years of misunderstandings and communication gap came between her ego and an endeavour of doing anything which involved her stepbrother. )

 

 

Out of the nebulous shadows and nostalgic hues of the setting sun,

Amidst the multitude of smothered voices, and a finality of this wretched despondence ;

Do your eyes still smile at me?

I perceive shapes , follow oblivion

And try to rummage through chilling nothingness

In the excruciating pain and remorse i am, I look for you and subsume perpetual hopelessness

 

 

Rains, rivers,Alps and nights

Winters, Christmas, joys and lights

All the same — all so cruel

Bringing to me your haunting face

as i saw you the very first time

Riding your crappy bike, with that smile of yours

Beyond me, beyond anyone

Hence, called crooked ( if only !)

The days you left me fuming outside,locked when you went for your soccer matches

And returned without any apology, smiling again .wicked!

Oh, won’t you ever do that to me?

 

 

I try to comfort myself with meaningless writings on the wall ;

Determined,that you won’t be mourned

But as I look at that piercing gaze , that single questioning stare

I know that i could have changed this,

And you’d have been here with all of us

But i didnt care

And i didnt try

She asks me something, and i hold no answers

She looks for you ,and i do the same

Breathing icicles with this onerous feeling

It tears me apart to know that your death is the reason I’m living

Won’t you , EVER ,forgive me?

Yours

Classandra

Soulmate

As the bus took a turn,groaning obscenely and lending a treacherous jerk to the sleepy passengers at the back,Soham woke up and looked outside.And immediately felt glad for the dilapidated state of the bus which had him on tenterhooks and regretting his decision to go out when his car was out for service for the entire first fifteen minutes after he had boarded it reluctantly.Through the missing glass in the unequally divided panes of the window,rain was coming inside.August rain-gray,heavy,stealthy and surreally sweet.The small streams starting from somewhere on the roof of the bus lingered and meandered against the window,while the tangential showers from the rich,gloomy sky lashed against the entire length of it.Soham hesitated,smiled a smile he never thought he could and extended his hand outside the window,as if still in a dream.The raindrops and the roaring wind that carried them drenched him and he felt his instantly overjoyed being sweep over his gloom and crankiness for the moment.As long as his world had pleasures like this and beauty such as was evident outside,he could live through all the madness that came his way and threatened to tear his life and vitality apart.As long as he could just go on wandering along sitting in the bus and breathing in the sheer euphoria such apparently insignificant torrents brought him,he could forget all he was and all the world had made out of him.He could forget why in seven hells and how much he loved Swayam and why he was visibly petrified of his own affections towards him now.Letting his mind wander,he relaxed and silently reflected as a memory came over him unawares.

Swayam,who had always been there for him since his college years.Swayam,who was the only one he could think of whenever he felt that the world was falling onto him,trapping him in a merciless abyss.Swayam,who had stood up for him when his own family had turned away from him after the disgrace he had brought them by failing in his three consecutive majors in a single year.Swayam who always urged him to stand up and fight the world like the devil he could and should be.But thats precisely was what Swayam was wrong about.Soham could never hurt somebody,could never fight back unless it was the only way out.He had always needed a saviour, a mentor,a soulmate.And he got exactly that in Swayam.Or at least thats what he thought until the night all hell broke loose and he was left bereft of what could have been his reason of existence.He recalled how elated he had been the day they both had decided to formalise their relationship.They had gone to the KFC at the corner of their college campus and talked and dreamed of nonsense,of things they would do together on their 25th and 50th and nth anniversaries,of the fights they would have over bills and household chores and the way both of them would wake each other up in the mornings.Soham never could come to terms with this amazing beautiful dream which his life was to become soon,with the fact that the only person he wanted more than himself would be exclusively his.He prayed,he relished,he shuddered.And it was all as good as it could have been until they had been together for two years.

The first time Soham noticed something was wrong was the day he had an unusually long talk with his friend Ayush,who was upset over his professional losses.The moment he put down the phone and turned around he saw something strange in Swayam’s eyes,as if to him, Soham was hiding some trifle part of himself and he was wondering whether to forgive him for that or not .It flashed there only for a moment or two and then it was gone.But for Soham it was as good as an unflickering,cold stare which got burned into the very vitals of his mind.As they made love afterwards and Swayam’s fingers dug into and seared his back in an intense fit of passion,a queer,involuntary tremor passed through him.The searing sensation that burned through his skin had always been animalistic and orgasmic for him,but that very night it felt wrong somehow,tinged with an odd extreme of possession,with a desire to hurt and dominate,to take charge.He could have been wrong for all he knew,but in retrospect he wasn’t.And it got only worse from there.

Swayam continued to be an enigma for him.Soham’s very notion that he knew his soulmate in and out and could predict what he would say or do before he even thought of it himself went for a toss.Apparently completing each other’s sentences and laughing together exactly at the same point in a cheesy joke was not good enough.Swayam turned recluse as the days went by and then violently possessive.This was all fine with Soham until his love started existing and living through him,setting up his own life and psyche around his mate’s.He would follow him around wherever he went,call him incessantly whenever he could not.Unfortunately the whole facade which Swayam was putting up so seemed sweet and soulful to Soham in the initial days.That all changed when Swayam’s whims gradually transformed from being amorously possessive to evidently controlling and abusive.He would ask Soham to not to talk to people he didn’t want him talking to,to not to meet and linger around specific guys whenever they went to parties and to pick up every single call of his,which continued to escalate in number and frequency when they were not together.An unwarranted row with Ayush over why he would take Soham to dinner when Swayam was home was the final straw.Soham having had endured enough of his nasty mood swings confronted Swayam as to what exactly was wrong with him and how he,of all the people,could turn into the miserable creature he had become.His words,and more than that,the naked truth in them incensed swayam’s ego and rage no end and his hurt,anger and the love for his love came out in spurts of his vitriolic catharsis.And then Soham knew.The fear….the raw,smarting fear to lose him,the insecurity,the pain…..God,how could Swayam even have thought of horrible things like that ! Being way too handsome than his partner was no fault of his and was something he could do nothing about.And being a Muslim by birth was no indicator of his fidelity and commitment towards a gay relationship,or the lack thereof.Just because he had become professionally independent and relatively mature and stable in his thought processes or needed his virgin moments of fire-gazing now and then,it was not that he didn’t need Swayam.He needed him like he needed his own soul and breathing,like his own existence,like his music and punching bag which he could not do without.He needed him more than himself.And he could never get him now.It was too late….Swayam had gone too far without him and onto a path which rendered return possible only if company was sacrificed for wretched solitude.Nevertheless,he hugged Swayam fiercely and comforted him,taking his head in his lap until he went to sleep,sobbing and muttering things which tore Soham apart over and over again.And then after Swayam was asleep,he broke down and cried like the child who is lost in some crowd,but would not seek help out of fear.

When morning came,it was like nothing had changed and Swayam made sure that that was the truth indeed.Soham recalled with vaguely detached and cold dread the night they broke up.It was some birthday party of a friend of theirs.After being through with more than twice of his usual share of wine,Swayam had come to him-maudlin,hammered beyond senses and with a guy in his arms.As he bent down and kissed Soham almost desperately,he mumbled something along the lines of “…….it hurts…your love…but never you dare let me go…i….” and went off with the guy,lust for Swayam writ large in the asshole’s eyes.It was as if the moment he let Swayam’s hand slide out of and away from his hands was the moment he let him go.He could no longer subject the person he loved to death to the torment he was going through.No words could soothe him,no talks or measures could salvage their relationship now.He could fight all the bitches and blues of world for Swayam,but how could he fight what he himself was.Let the blame rest on him now and let Swayam think it was he who called the shots.Let him be blessed and that was all he could save out of this disaster.Hurt and loss carving vistas and memories,known and unknown,in his mind, leeched him of his sense of being alive and a part of him died deep within as he left Swayam and went out of the party.

Life was never the same,thereafter.Like smears of ink spread apart and broken on account of intrinsic tension,they both longed to touch and dissolve into each other even after what all had happened,but neither of them like the goddessbedamned ink drops knew where to gravitate towards and how to cover the trail left gaping and undone between them.Except for one brief,furious,stolen kiss when they met to sort out the finality of separation,they were as good as awkward strangers trying to be nonchalantly polite ( or sometimes overtly hateful) to each other.There is no distance on Earth as far as yesterday,they say,and it could have been tailor-made for his own life,for all Soham knew.Sometimes moving on is not an alternative but the only thread which binds you to sanity and nobody loves anybody more than themselves.And so Soham realised,reminisced and retrieved the best of himself out of the agony.Correcting all the grammar in his love letters was a painful task,but he persevered.

Two years since then,he had arrived.Or arrived and recovered as much as he could.Nobody gets to live their life backwards and forgotten memories tell you there’s still time for you to create new ones.If somebody out there was made for him,destined to be his lifemate,let the bloody fate work out all the conspiracies; let his love chase him around.He was done with romance and he shall not have any more of a love which does nothing but sits back and gladly stabs him in the back when it reaches its crescendo.Love,unlike life,had been no friend of his.Nonetheless,cajoled and bugged by his friends and interested suitors alike,once he had landed himself in a secure and comfortable position in the professional arena,he did join a dating site and started going back to the parties he had avoided.But love would remain a forbidden territory, a long forgotten song whose lyrics serve no purpose but to irritate the listener.

And this is why he was here,going to meet a guy who he had decided to check out after what seemed like an aeon to him.His last date had been a disaster with an emotional baggage as big as his glum,stupid face.Archie,if nothing else,would at least save his weekend from turning into a long drawn boredom trip.That was something he was sure of.Just because the guy seemed such a maverick imp.And visibly handsome too.

As the bus screeched and slowed down to a lethargic halt and Soham got off directly into the heavy downpour,he rummaged his pockets to take out his phone.Cupping his hands to save the phone from getting wet,he dialled Archie’s number.And got a busy tone ! Sweet mother of Gods ! Of all the times he could have been talking nonsense over a call,this idiot had to choose this very instant.Sighing wearily and taking a deep breath,he started walking towards Eclat,the restaurant they both had agreed upon for the meet after rejecting other,less plausible options like the Moon or river Amazon.Once he reached the place and got himself settled comfortably in the warm,cosy feel of the interior,he ordered an espresso and took out his phone to reply to some of the texts left unread.When he was about to finish his coffee,he saw Archie rush in.Wet,impetuous and smug.Always smug.He had all the time and reasons in the world to be smug,Soham thought.

“You Monsieur Donut,” Archie exclaimed with a grin.”I never knew you would be so fickle as to desert me for your goddamned coffee,or are there any tall,dark,handsome knights here, lurking in disguise for Your grace ?”

Soham put down his cup on the table and had a lazy,but avid glance all over him.”Hardly.And we can only desert people when we have been with them for some time,which,unfortunately,is a tad difficult if the said people keep their phones busy at the precise moment you call them.”

“Well,if you think i was enjoying talking to somebody just for the sheer fun of it,while standing in the rain AND waiting for you,i would rather let you think that”.Archie said,as they shook hands.He slid a chair out from a nearby table and sat down contentedly.”Its no use telling a dragon why you woke him when he is about to eat you up anyway.”

“That.is.not.our.table.you see.!! ” Soham,evidently mortified,blurted out.

“What,I never took the table away,” Archie shrugged his shoulders,feigning ignorance.”Besides,helping the staff here in their mandate would be pleasantly altruistic but wont take you far if you have the remotest intentions of getting laid sometime.And i can safely assume that it has been ages since your last time.”

“Spare me your zealous speculations.I would rather we discuss something which wont get me thrown out of here before the evening is done,”Soham pointed out tersely and handed the menu to Archie.

While Archie was going through the things on the menu,Soham looked at him and realised a strange,bumpy sensation passing through his body.Desire.Desire to possess.Beauty that hurts,beauty that makes you want to do things.In a Black Sabbath Tee with his loose,spiky hair and a cute,wickedly childish smile,Archie was beauty.And cuteness.Something to cherish,something to get drowned in.After they had ordered their pasta,wine and chocolate chip cake,he looked up at Soham and it was then that he saw how absolutely gorgeous and deeply expressive his eyes were.

“So,how is your little Angelic ex doing ? Or more importantly how are you doing without his divine love ? “, Archie asked nonchalantly,though Soham could see his eyes betray a hint of slightest genuine and patient concern.”Or will that be exes,if it please you ?”

“It don’t please me.And it has been ages since i moved away,apart and on,Archie.This is known”,Soham interjected.”Or else,I am a veteran casanova,here to take you for a ride.”

“I can very well do with some riding.”Archie smirked.”And don’t go on pretending you are through with the ever so lovely prologue which is your past if you are clearly not.Sweet is the memory of the past troubles,and to you they seem sweeter still,i hazard.But let me tell you this,no-effing-body is rich enough to buy back his past.And as long as you are reluctant to wipe your slate clean,all you would have with you are stars of words with some charming darkness all around.”

“And how i love dark knights and darker lives would be your next conjecture,i presume,” Soham tried to put a bit of acid into the words but the fact that he was staring like a dork at Archie’s face hardly helped.

“See,Soham,its completely okay to carry bits and parts of your past into your future as long as they are nothing more than a handy source of happiness and insights.There’s no meaning left to yourself if you try to take any part of yourself away,be it your past or your desires.The sooner you learn how to love yourself more than your past,the better it will be.More so for your sex-deprived psyche.”

“So the best motivation you could come up with is few hot,delicious hours of love making ?,” Soham raised his eyebrow,smiling.

“Now did I say anything about the sex being “hot” ? And hey, how the fuck did you do that ? Raising an eyebrow ? I always thought it was cool when people did it.”Archie said as he struggled in vain to manoeuvre his eyebrows.

“Try and see if your recurrent orgasms are of any help,” Soham laughed aloud.

Later on, after he had taught him how to go on about the task,they started their dinner.The more Soham talked to him the more he realised how apt a foil Archie was to him.His passion for soccer,anime,history,dance and books   nowhere did intersect with the things in his domain of interest.Yet,when Archie talked about his favourite science fiction novels or about the thrill of a long awaited game of soccer,he was drawn in.He wanted to know about the people at the firm he worked in,about what he thought of the cliches in movies or of the hype attached with most of the political happenings,about what he liked in people and what he loved to hate.Worse still,he wanted to hold him in his arms,to run his calloused fingers through his soft,inviting hairs,to claim him as his own,for the night,forever.When he was coming for the date,love had been a overrated thing of inconvenience and the maximum he had hoped for was an interesting evening.Suddenly,it thrummed alive in his veins and mind.Surely the rains were to be blamed- the dark harbingers of longings and fatal,hammerheaded stupidity.But if pining for something,or someone,which brought such exultation to him was stupidity,let the wisdom rest with the stronger built souls in the world.His would be ignorance and stupidity and foolishness.To love again,to want someone,to do everything to get him.And this time around ,he had nothing to lose.This realisation and a new found determination brought him to such levels of ecstasy that after they had finished their dessert,he tipped the waiter with almost 60 % of his bill and walked out of the restaurant,trailing Archie with a perky monsoon number on his lips.

When they reached the parking lot,Soham sat down for a bit in his car and smiled.

“What,i am not having an all-nighter in my car,” Archie exclaimed.”Besides as much as i love to talk about sex,it’s not about sex with everyone !!”

“Will it be hard for you to accept the fact that sometimes people can be driven by motives nobler than sex ?” Soham asked,no longer trying to suppress the smile playing on his lips.

” Very hard,” said Archie as he donned his seat belt and smiled.

“Never you mind that.Just listen to me.Is it too late to claim that i might have fallen for you ?”

“Nopes,” said Archie.”Its only ten by my watch.But do you realize that it might be too early to say that or i might be the worst person to say it to ?”

“If i am falling for you,you,of all the people would be the most apt to say it to i guess.” Said Soham,as he got a bit closer to Archie.

“Listen,you know how much of a social reject and son of devil i am,and what you know about me is not even half of the skeletons i have in my closet.I used to do and deal in drugs once,thanks to the crappy parenting and wanton impulses i had,i am already dating two guys,one of which i have developed a well to do equation with and i suck at getting and keeping a job.It would be embarrassing to admit that in spite of your overly sugary persona,i do kind of like you,but i would rather not wager anything on it as of yet.”

The dating part was a blow,but Soham could not back off now.Even if he wanted to,he could not let Archie and what all he represented go.That would be insulting the very person in his face who gave your life twice to you.”I never gave two hoots to skeletons,anyway.And how you fare with your job-keeping skills is no business of my heart.As for your eager suitors,shall we just say your true Knight with his spurs has arrived and he would love a bit of jousting with his competitors now and then ?”

“May be.But i love my knights wild and daring,” Archie winked.And before he could come up with some other smartass comment,Soham leaned in and kissed him.As his lips met Archie’s,he trembled.With desire,with anticipation,with too intense an epiphany.To him Archie tasted of salt,of eternal love,of nostalgia and of home.He devoured his lips hungrily and passionately,like somebody lost in shadows relishes light and warmth once he discovers the meaning in them.His hands caressed and marvelled at Archie’s silky hair and he drew him closer as they both consummated their kiss in utter oblivion of the rain and the world outside.

Two days thence,while talking to Soham,Archie asked him to check out his almost doomed competition and Soham,laughing heartily opened the profiles he mentioned.And once he had clicked on the second profile,he saw Swayam’s carefree face smiling at him.

ADDENDUM :

Soham and Swayam’s theme song

Soham and Archie’s theme song

Goddess Avenged

(The legend goes that Hades,God of the Underworld,abducted His beloved Goddess Persephone and took Her to His abode before Her mother Demeter could do anything at all.Faced by the rage of the Goddess bereft of Her daughter and the insistence of His brother Zeus, He makes a show of releasing Persephone ,but not before making sure that the Goddess will have to return to His world anyway by having fed Her a pomegranate from His garden.It was a rule of the Fates that whosoever consumed any food or drink in the Underworld was doomed to spend eternity there.This forced Persephone to return to Hades for winter each year.

Persephone,thereafter,was the protectress of marriage,Her abduction and subsequent marriage to Hades serving as the emblem of marriage.

However, in this alternative version, Persephone refuses to relent and accept the trickery meted out to Her. She is fierce, rigid and unyielding when Hades comes to take Her to the Underworld at Fall’s end.Here’s what happens thereafter…..)

Never before, among the mortals or atop the Mighty Olympus, did the coruscating moon behold ;

The breath of beauty, the defiance of viability,

That walked the decaying Earth and left entrancing spells to be told ;

Eons passed and eternities dulled, fainting beneath Her fiery beauty ,

And there She only breathed her demeanour – The Daughter to Goddess Demeter

 

 

Through the breezes that caressed , the Goddess in her fullest glory ;

And through the grasses that convulsed in the ephemera of the Divine presence ,

She outshone every measure of beauteousness and tossed at the shreds of unearthly aurae ;

Out She reached for a virgin Lily, with her elegant sweep of hands to get at its fickle essence ,

Divine to Divine, Heaven to Earth, loomed the blazing starkness – Her pace was equalled, and surpassed by the Helm of Darkness

 

 

Bewitched and enraged, with the wrath of a Goddess, She whirled around ;

And spoke to the shadow She only knew well as Her damned suitor ,

” Heavens and Zeus will themselves have to answer, the Godly insolence with which you abound ;

Trust your instincts and speak on more, holding my modesty any mooter ,

Cursed are you and Hell will unfold, if to any test my gravitas you so hold ”

 

 

“Your vexation I find sweet, more than your poise, my Goddess cherished ;

And to this world and the World I rule,I can swear on my descent from Cronus,

The desire to see you so notwithstanding, I shall not invoke your ire to have me from your realm banished ;

I, Hades, your justful paramour, have come to claim what is but mine, truly awakened, equally vinous ,

The year has moved half of its course and a quarter added to it – my pursuit for you, therefore, stands befit

 

 

Appalled by the unvarnished narration and the truth of it that dawned on Her ;

She took, but a moment to compose, what was a tempestuous battle raging ,

That threatened to tear her soul apart, ravishing her gentle grandeur ;

And like Artemis come alive, She turned to the moon fading ,

There She blazed without fire, with anger the very zenith of dire – The Goddess Persephone

 

 

“You have violated me times before, but that is to it, and no more ;

I, may have been by your trick,fated, to give a part of me to you ,

But that is what you will get precisely, as much as I do you abhor ;

The part of me which is yours, you can kiss a fond adieu ,

Take in as much of it as is within your bounds ’cause I, henceforth wont ever enter your dismal grounds ”

 

 

With this the Goddess raised Her hands and in a voice resonating with aggravation ;

Invoked the Spirit of Hestia – the flames that leaped, the conflagration that covered Her ,

Through the inferno that prevailed, She saw and clinched at the God of Underworld in consternation ;

And suddenly in a placid tone, which was gravely sombre ,

She pleaded the Goddess of Fire to stab into shreds her ethereal soul, and to cleanse her spirit whole

 

 

 

The flames, in answer, growled and shrieked and unfurled and leaped – to the mighty God of Hell ;

Out of the fire, and of fire He saw His Goddess come to Him ,

And with an embrace and a touch searing She took Him to His Shades to dwell ;

An instant later, the flames died, casting a surreal glow all grim ,

Out she walked, yet again, the unfazed Goddess,truly blessed- shedding to torment Her part-consort for eternity,the fiery part of Her soul coalesced